Mix up your question with some names, from “What do you want to do now, baby?” to a “Do you want to fuck me, daddy?” or even a “I want you to ruin me till I’m shaking with every inch, master”

Stop watching so much porn, seriously. It’s not healthy. We’re worried about you.

I have a guilty confession: I like to sleep naked, and somethings I leave skid marks.

Bananas are the bane of my existence. I always buy a bunch on my Monday arvo shop; thinking this will finally be the week I start making healthy detox smoothies.

This is my go-to recipe for impressing my friends. It’s simple, fuck, I mean it’s two-minute noodles, but it’s delicious and intriguingly, dare I say, fancy?

How do I tell my girlfriend that we had a threesome with the wrong friend??

Aquarius: If you’re still moaning about dropping out of uni, just do it already. You don’t have to be a student to read Massive magazine x

Tune your ears, listen up kids, and get ready for a brief rundown of how to get that stingy landlord in line.

I have a good sex story for you. I want everybody to listen up. This will teach you not to get fucked and have sex with a random.

Stop paying $20 for something so cheap and easy, I beg you.  

Whoever said pancakes are the poor man’s waffles… Fuck you.

Despite being in clear view of literally anyone and everyone, I could see that like a racing horse, him and his stallion was ready to go.

Okay kids, I can’t believe I have to make this but here goes… What follows is a comprehensive and somewhat patronising guide on how to stack your damn dishwasher correctly.

Aquarius: Go into university sometime. Your lecturers are concerned.

You’ve got no job, no savings, and only course costs to dig your ass out of the dirt, if you haven’t already spent it on an ounce or two…

Or atleast, how to not fuck it up for once