Horoscopes (vol 11)

Aries: Lube yourself up, it’s gonna be a big week.  

Your sex position of the week: The Wheelbarrow  

Taurus: Snacks in the bedroom are a must. Think crackers, bananas, you know, the usual.  

Your sex position of the week: The Face-Off 

Gemini: You’re going through a bit of a dry spell, but that’s okay! Treat yourself to a trashy movie, get the lights down low...who needs anyone else?  

Your sex position of the week: Masturbation  

Cancer: Stop watching so much porn, seriously. It’s not healthy. We’re worried about you.  

Your sex position of the week: The Leap-Frog  

Leo: There will come a time soon, where you will need condoms. Stock up sooner, rather than later. Don’t even consider using a plastic bag and rubber band (we know you’re considering it).  

Your sex position of the week: Reverse Cowgirl  

Virgo: You will have the best sex of your life this week. Honestly life changing. Too bad it’s with the wrong person.  

Your sex position of the week: The Spread Eagle  

Libra: Send out those drunk ‘Up2?’s. For every 10 you send, you will get one positive answer.  

Your sex position of the week: The Notebook  

Scorpio: Consider spicing things up a bit. Introduce roleplay to your sex routine. Perhaps lecturer and student?  

Your sex position of the week: The Golden Arch  

Sagittarius: Be careful with your moves this week. Let’s just say, a leg spasm is coming your way.  

Your sex position of the week: The G-Whiz  

Capricorn: You will rediscover a long-lost passion. Yes, it’s dry humping.  

Your sex position of the week: The Couch Grind  

Aquarius: Get checked out before you get a second-helping of the ol’ fudge pie. It’s been a bit itchy down there.  

Your sex position of the week: The Pretzel  

Pisces: Start talking during sex. A lot. Tell them what you’ve had for breakfast. Tell them about your Grandma’s 80th birthday celebrations. They’ll like it, I promise.  

Your sex position of the week: The Spinx