Caught in the act: Students spill the tea on their most awkward encounters
Sex in a room with a lock is great, but often many students don’t have that gorgeous luxury. Whether you’re having sex in your parents’ house, a car, or at a party, there’s always some element of risk involved. Maybe that’s what makes it so exciting. Massive conducted a wee poll of 100 or so young people round the country. 60% of respondents said they’d caught someone having a cheeky fuck. Almost the same amount (58%) of respondents said they’d been the ones caught.
Parents commonly catch their young‘uns in the act, but one person caught their parents at the age of eight... big yikes. You never need to see your dad’s hairy pimply ass in between your mum’s legs. Never, but certainly not at the age when you’ve not even had the birds and the bees chat yet.
Another ridiculously common one was flatmates and roommates. Surely everyone knows the common courtesy of leaving a sock on the doorknob so I don’t really know if there’s an excuse for these breathers. I dedicate this collation to exhibitionists. P.S. I had so many brilliant stories submitted to me but I think the best is saved for last.
Olivia’s bed swap
Bit of a weird situation but last year I was seeing my friend’s flatmate. They had a party and we ended up in town. After my friend, Jake, lost his wallet, the night had evidently come to its end. Jake was obviously a bit gutted, and we all bundled into an Uber and went back to the flat. To add insult to injury, Jake’s sister had crashed in his bed, the poor man was bed-less. So, his flatmate Ben let him have his bed. This act of kindness warmed the cockles of my alcohol-soaked heart, and I invited him to sleep on the couch with me. In the morning Jake’s sister left early as fuck. Everyone else was still asleep so Ben and I moved from the couch to Jake’s bed bc he was in his flatmate’s bed. We were gonna sleep (I promise), but we kind of started hooking up. I felt bad about fucking in Jake’s bed, he was my friend after all, so I stopped the hook up before it got very far. Unfortunately, even though we’d decided not to have sex, we kept making out, and that’s when my friend walked in. Jake was now bleary-eyed, and dusty asf staring at two of his mates pashing in HIS OWN bed. He was horrified and fake vomited while we put our shirts back and gave the man give bed back.
Jasmine’s sh(n)ag
I was having a quickie in the Bunning’s carpark on Courtney Place, when I saw the uniform. It was a cop, fully decked out from his navy cap to the hefty vest and full blue getup. What was most interesting however, was what he was holding, a pair of tongs. He knocked on the steamed-up window and the words he uttered next I will never forget... “Anyone for a snag?”
Brett’s hot tub nightmare
My parents had a hot tub that was a piece of art truly. It was a sleek wooden beast of a thing, and sat on the porch outside my parent’s bedroom. It cost an arm and a leg so twas off-limits for my brothers and I, unless we were given permission. But, the ‘rents were out for the weekend, I liked a girl, and you know the drill. She comes over, bikini on already underneath her clothes. We start a movie in my room but don’t end up watching it... one thing leads to another and we end up in the tub. Hot steamy make out ensues, and needless to say we both had a brilliant time. I hop out of the tub to grab us some towels when I hear a car in the driveway. I freak out, trip and knock myself out. Lemme tell you, waking up naked on the floor to three people crowding around, two of them being your royally fucked off parents and the other being a shivering girl in a bikini, is the perfect way to be grounded for the rest of high school.
Four’s a crowd, G
Writers note: This next story involves so many people that I received multiple (varying) accounts.
This one time my girlfriend and I were hooking up in a mate’s bedroom at a party. We were cuddled up on the floor, and made sure we couldn’t be seen from the door (which was closed anyway). All was going as well as you can imagine, when a good friend of mine burst through the door, holding the hand of a random white boy. They fell onto the bed and start making out, all the while my gf and I freeze up and stare at each other, no idea what to do. Mid-make out my friend Lucy knocks a ukulele off of the bed and it hits me in the head. I accidentally yelp “ouch” and all Lucy says is “wtf get out! We were here first!!”
Maddie’s ride
After a long night of doof doof partying, my long-time boyfriend Aaron and I made eye contact and knew we were gonna call it a night. We said our goodnights, and less than five minutes later we were in the back of my car. The next part’s a bit of a blur, but our clothes flew off and soon enough I was on top and butt naked. We were just getting into the swing of things, when [there was] a knock at the car door. Not really aware of my surroundings, my tiddies swung as I pushed the door open. Lo and behold, I heard my drunk best friend slurring her words, “I’m gonna sleep in the house, what about you guys?” I flashed her a grin, and a thumbs up, tiddies still on full display and Aaron going red beneath me. “Cool as, we’ll be in the car,” I shut the door in her red face and got back to finishing what I started.