How to Adult: Annoying people at parties

Massive spoke to Brad, a self-proclaimed white boy with a guitar about his well-practiced talent: Pissing people off at parties. So straight dudes, whip out the old strummer, tune your ears and get ready to really know how to rile up strangers you’re trying to impress. 
 Firstly, the classic sing-along. 

You know the drill, Wonderwall, Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Mad World, you get the drill… Basically any song that people have heard so many times that they might just snap if they hear it again. It’s your job to learn them all. According to Brad they “really make a killing out there” 

 Next, the 4 chord wonders. Em, G, D, and A.  

Look I know the pre-chorus to Wonderwall has an extra chord, but let’s face it you’re not gonna make it that far. Pretty much all of the songs above have the same chords in the most basic sense, and pretty much every pop song has them in a different order or key. You know those four chords? You’re sussed to be your most annoying self to everyone around you. 
 Then, getting invited to parties.  

This is where things get difficult, according to Brad. If your reputation as a guitar-guy precedes you, getting an invite can be difficult, but you have to get creative. Find another straight man and get him to plus-one you, or you can roam the streets at night looking for an unsuspecting house party, because let’s be honest, it’s safe for you out there. 

 Finally, bring your own guitar and don’t shut up about knowing how to play. 

With a wide variety of the same fucking song in your arsenal, a guitar in your hand, and far too much product in your hair, you’re ready. Find somewhere quiet at the party, a place people go for a break from the music like the smoko spot, park up, and surprise those poor fuckers just wanting some peace. I’m sure there’ll be at least one other overenthusiastic man who took guitar lessons for two years singing along and hyping you up. And don’t worry, between the two of you you’ll be loud enough to drown out the groans of everyone else sick of your shit… 

So, rejoice! Take that mediocrity and flex it for all that it’s worth. It’s not about being creative or trying to learn, it’s about claiming you’re an expert and getting by on sheer overconfidence alone. Like an adult, you know?