How to Adult: Asking for consent
You’re getting down and dirty, getting ready to do the do, you both seem keen, steamy and raunchy, but wait, neither of you have said a word yet. Whether you’re a talker or not, getting verbal and enthusiastic consent is beyond important in any sexual encounter. Here are some tips and tricks for getting that verbal yes when you’re often at a loss for words.
First, the body language.
In any situation, check yours and their body language. No matter who you’re with, make sure they’re both enthusiastic and aware. A fuck on a light buzz is all well and good, but if either of you are drunk, fucked or munted, back the fuck up. Get them an Uber home and a bottle of water, if it was meant to be you’ll get that 3am horny DM in the coming days. This also applies to any other intoxicant, cooked, drunk or pinging. If they’re intoxicated, they’re not up for it.
Next, the verbal “fuck yeah”.
If you both seem peachy keen then it’s time to break out that twisted tongue of yours. Ask if they’re up for it. I don’t care if they’ve been bouncing on your lap all night, if you don’t ask and get an answer, you’ll never know for sure. Depending on the dynamic, mix up your question with some names, from “What do you want to do now, baby?” to a “Do you want to fuck me, daddy?” or even a “I want you to ruin me till I’m shaking with every inch, master”, get creative, get jiggy with it. It’s always fun to hear what’s going to happen, and don’t go a second further unless you hear a “fuck yeah” back, or any similar keen response.
Then, check ins.
In the midst of getting your freak on, it’s still important to make sure they are comfortable. From a “How do you like that?” or a “Tell me how this feels”, checking in is always important. If you’re trying something new, changing positions, or just switching it up a little, get a verbal yes for everything. It might feel unnecessary to you, but opening up the space for people to back out or ask for things to be different will always be appreciated. Trust me.
Finally, the post-fuck thanks.
After that final sweaty symphony, don’t be a twat and zonk off to sleep. Stay up a while, see how they are, do they need some water, a cuddle, a towel, or a cab home? If they have decided to spend their time, energy and bodily fluids sharing a fuck with you, the least you can do is make sure they’re comfortable, cuddled and looked after.
No matter what, no matter how horny, desperate or straight up feening for a fuck, nobody owes you one. If it’s not an enthusiastic yes, then it’s a no. That applies to sex itself, or anything within that, from wearing a condom to slapping their ass silly. Just because you’re into it doesn’t mean that they are too. And besides, there’s always porn if you’re too uptight to communicate.