How do I tell my girlfriend that we had a threesome with the wrong friend??

Aquarius: If you’re still moaning about dropping out of uni, just do it already. You don’t have to be a student to read Massive magazine x

Tune your ears, listen up kids, and get ready for a brief rundown of how to get that stingy landlord in line.

I have a good sex story for you. I want everybody to listen up. This will teach you not to get fucked and have sex with a random.

Stop paying $20 for something so cheap and easy, I beg you.  

Whoever said pancakes are the poor man’s waffles… Fuck you.

Despite being in clear view of literally anyone and everyone, I could see that like a racing horse, him and his stallion was ready to go.

Okay kids, I can’t believe I have to make this but here goes… What follows is a comprehensive and somewhat patronising guide on how to stack your damn dishwasher correctly.

Aquarius: Go into university sometime. Your lecturers are concerned.

You’ve got no job, no savings, and only course costs to dig your ass out of the dirt, if you haven’t already spent it on an ounce or two…

Or atleast, how to not fuck it up for once

Scorpios: Change your fucking sheets

Oi, Adam. Clean your fucking bong mate.

The strong, gooey edible that’ll change your life.

Step One: Have a car

I know that’s already stumped most of you, but notice I didn’t say your car, just any ol’ car will do. Let’s just hope your mate has insurance…