HOW TO ADULT - Cleaning your damn bong
We all know the story, you go over to a mate’s place for a sesh, and when it comes time to rip a cone, they pull out… A scungy glass piece of collected resin. Brown-black water barely visible swirling in amongst the caked wall of the hooning device. “Probably due for a clean soon,” they say. No shit sherlock. Here’s how to get that “tobacco water pipe” (as sneaky retail smoko shops call it) clean as a whistle and hooning like a dream.
1 - Supplies
A dirty bong (shouldn’t be hard to find)
Dr Greens (If you’re really skint, dish liquid and rock salt, or vinegar and baking soda should do. But if you can afford to spend 50 bucks a week on buds you can fork out for a bottle of Dr Greens once every few months.)
Dish Gloves (that chemical shit is nasty)
A large plastic container or small bucket (you don’t want your sink to stink)
Paper Towels
Skewers
A toothbrush
2 - Soakin’
Now you’ve got what you need, it’s time to get started, dismantle your cone-piece and pipe from your bong. Rinse them well. Use a paper towel on the lip of the pipe and cone-piece and blow out any blockage or excess. Place them in the container and pour some of that stanky solution in. Make sure it’s enough that when the container is on an angle both the cone-piece and pipe are fully submerged. Swirl it round, getting every nook and cranny for a few minutes, then leave it to soak for 10-15.
3 - Elbow Grease
Now that they’re soaked and most of the tough resin is loosened, swirl it some more, get on ya gloves, and get to work. Also, don’t do this on carpet, it won’t end well. Get your skewer and start scraping, cone-piece especially, you want to lift off as much as you possibly can. This’ll take some time and a lot of determination so be patient, it’ll be worth the smooth pull once this is all over. Once you’re done scraping, tear off a small section of your paper towel, ball it up so it’s smaller than the width of the pipe, and push it in. Use the skewer to get it all the way through your pipe. A few passes should clear it. Finally, the big bad bong itself. An old toothbrush is your best bet. Maybe 2 because they collect resin QUICK. Pour the container of Dr Greens into the bong to top up the stuff already in there. Get ya brushy brushies and get in there. Scrub, scrape, whatever. Just get that big boy clean. Bendy plastic toothbrushes are best because you can get inside the base of it and angle it around to scrub every surface. If you’ve got a percolator, good luck, you’re not getting into there for a scrub no matter how hard you try.
4 - RINSE!!!
After all that chemical shit and collected resin, they’re gonna need one hell of a rinse off, maybe even a little dish liquid first to sterilise. Rinse, double rinse and re-rinse. You think it’s clean? Think again, give it another going over. It gets mank in there and you don’t want that in your lungs. Once you’re done, air it out in the sun somewhere the neighbours won’t see.
5 - Keep it clean for fuck’s sakes.
Now you’ve done all that hard work you gotta stay on top of it. Having a cone? Solid, but for god’s sake empty the water when you’re done, put some clean water in there, give it a swish, and empty it out again. Yes. Every single time. It’s easier than having to clean the gunk off it in a week’s time.
If the content of this article affected you in any way, don’t be afraid to reach out to these support numbers:
Alcohol/Drug Helpline: 0800 787 797
Healthline: 0800 611 116
Lifeline: 0800 543 345 or (09) 522 2999