Hello, friends. What a year it’s been. The last issue of Massive! Can you believe it?

Sagittarius: Your study planner is so pretty Sag! So was the one you made last week! How about actually following it now??

Aries, this week make sure you take care with who you choose to bitch about your flatmates to.

Massive - please help me find this incredible hottie so we can pick up from where we left off. Please.

This is a bit of a fancy one. Good for having guests over or if you’re feeling a bit boujee!

Sstudent election season is a sad, empty shell of itself. It would be comical if it wasn’t so ... disappointing.

CRUNCH!

Massive, my worst nightmare came true. Let me set the scene.

Last night, I experienced a kick of nostalgia for old gaming sites I used to fuck around on.

Aquarius: I want you to try your very best this week to actually listen to people. People know when you’re not listening and if you don’t start at least pretending to care you can say goodbye to your Friday night drinks invite. We both know you don’t want that.

She treated my dick as if it were a motherfucking popsicle.

Taurus: You can talk all the shit you want to about the Met Gala, but you know what? Sure, maybe only a few of the celebrities “understood the assignment” but that doesn’t mean you do. Literally. Start studying.

yum

I missed the shit uni food, there, I said it.

I was masturbating at my desk, tits out and skirt hiked up around my waist, whilst my boyfriend was furiously pounding away at his meat on screen. It was pretty fucking steamy.

This is the perfect kai to welcome in the warm months of spring. Kūmara makes a warm, creamy mash, perfect for nestling a crispy fillet of rāwaru (blue cod) or other white fish of your choosing. The rengakura (beetroot) packs a punch, with a vibrant salad to cut through the buttery main. It’s a bit fancy, but what better way to celebrate the end of winter?

Kia ora Massey whānau! Te Wiki o te Reo Māori is upon us and with it comes a wave of wholesome Māori focused content!

This recipe is a delicious, easy take on ramen noodles. The sauce is the champion of this dish. If you love it as much as I do, you'll find it goes hard in all sorts of culinary contexts.