Worst of The Worst Movie Reviews: The Disappointments Room (2016)

Welcome to the Worst of the Worst Movie Reviews. Every week I’ll be watching the worst rated movies on Rotten Tomatoes so you don’t have to. I’ll be doing one every week until the final issue where I’ll review the worst movie ever made (according to a random article I found). What are my qualifications you ask? I took Introduction to Media Studies in my first year and got a B average, so I think I know what I’m talking about.  

I’m going to watch each of these movies and decide whether it is rightfully on the worst movies of all-time list, based on my expert opinion.  

 
The first movie I’m watching is The Disappointments Room, a thriller from 2016 that had a budget of US$15 million, and completely bombed at the Box Office.  

 
Obviously, this movie starts as all horror/thriller movies do, with an attractive white couple (Kate Beckinsale and Mel Raido) and their kid moving from a perfectly safe and normal house into an old, clearly haunted one in the countryside. They call it their ‘new beginning’. They make the super smart decision to arrive while it’s pitch black and raining, surely if it’s that long of a drive they should have stopped somewhere along the way.  

 
There’s a secret room in the house that’s locked, clearly a huge red flag, but Dana (the mum) gets into it anyway. She gets locked in there, and experiences some creepy shit when she falls asleep. There’s a big scary dog, a creepy little girl, and the most terrifying element: a bald white man. These nightmares continue, and whenever she goes to sleep, she dreams of being stuck in the room with the little girl and the big scary dog. The dog is a German Shepherd by the way. I don’t know about you but I feel like a chihuahua or a shiatzu would be way scarier, I’m tired of big dog slander.  

 
Dana is an architect and David (the husband) is a stay-at-home dad, he also seems incredibly clueless and kind of annoying. As part of researching the house to renovate, she learns about the history of the house and learns that the rich people that used to live in the house and trapped a disabled child in the secret room because they were embarrassed (or disappointed, hence the name of the movie). They hire a sexy handyman, played by Lucas Till who you might know from Hannah Montana the Movie.  

 
Basically, a bunch of horrifying shit happens as a result of this room, and for most of it they chalk it up to Dana’s history with mental health issues. She talks to the spirits who used to live in the house, and learns about the evil bald white man who locked kids in the secret room.  

 
I’m not a huge fan of horror movies but this one is predictable, not at all scary, and somehow manages to be boring despite being very short. I don’t like the way it represents people who are mentally ill, female architects, or German Shepherds.  

Does it deserve to be on the worst movie of all-time list? Definitely.