The ULTIMATE O-Week Alternatives
Created by Marie Bailey
Your guide to starting the year off in the best way possible
“You haven't known the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of getting blackout during O-Week.” – Archie Andrews, Riverdale
So, you just left high school, moved into a flat or halls in a new city and now you gotta deal with Omicron getting in the way of everything? Maybe you’re like me, a third year who’s trying to navigate an ever-changing landscape of alert levels, while still wanting to have an absolute banger of a time with their mates that ultimately ends in 3AM trauma bonding, or just someone wearing a Jim Beam box on their head.
If any of this sounds like you, especially that last bit, then you have an incredibly specific idea of “an absolute banger of a time” and I wonder if you’ve been reading my diary…
Regardless of who you are or when you started uni, I think we can all agree that Covid-19 is a bitch.
And now at the start of 2022, a year which for so many was meant to be “my year” or “the big year of me moving out, dying my hair and listening to 80s music because I swear I’m indie and cool, Mum” has been marred by the cancellation of the marquee O-Week events.
A staple of the student experience, O-Week for many is a memorable time of year in which friendships and romances which will only last a couple months are forged!
It is a truly magical adventure, one that will not be going ahead this year due to Covid-19 restrictions.
IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY THOUGH!
Welcome to your handy dandy guide on how to make the most out of 2022’s shitty opening act!
I have gone out of my way to gather the BEST alternative activities, most of which have been tirelessly field-tested by yours truly. And the best part… ALL of these can be attempted on a shoestring budget. Because we shouldn’t have to worry about our crippling and crushing student debt when we just want to get fucked up.
Illustrated by Sara Moana
Get Drunk with your Flatties then Watch Baby Sensory Videos
Just moved in with a new group of people? Don’t know their names? Don’t know why they smell like pot 24/7?
Leaving home can be terrifying, especially when you’re confronted with the prospect that one day you WILL have to tell these newfound flatmates off for leaving their underwear and socks lying everywhere.
O-Week is a perfect time to break down barriers with these people, and our first activity is just what you need for that.
YOU WILL NEED:
Copious amounts of alcohol
A TV or device capable of accessing YouTube
Flatmates
Illustrated by Sara Moana
Once all these have been acquired, simply place the booze in your general vicinity.
This will attract uni students to your location, acting as bait and bringing their guard down.
Once consumed, turn on your sensory video of choice and get mesmerised together.
Marvel at how much time has passed, how you’ve somehow spent fifteen minutes watching a dancing pineapple while up-tempo jazz plays in the background.
This activity is a great way to break the initial ice, and has the bonus of being able to avoid starting awkward conversations.
Illustrated by Sara Moana
Homemade Toga Party
I remember my first toga party… That’s a lie I was in the hospital.
But I remember the FOMO! With this next hot alternative, you don’t have to!
Simply step out of the bathroom, wearing only a sheet and proceed to drink.
Students are like lemmings and will follow suit.
Eventually your entire flat or hall will be bopping to The Weeknd and having their own private, Red Light-friendly toga event, free of charge!
To make this even more like the real O-Week toga, have a one-night stand with someone you’ve just met, ultimately ruining that friendship for the next few months as you awkwardly make eye contact on the way to lectures and try to figure out exactly where you stand.
It’s almost exactly like the real thing!
Toga is a uni tradition, and with this you’re not even having an alternative to it. Technically, you’re just organising toga yourself!
Clout is guaranteed.
Illustrated by Sara Moana
Makeshift Jam Sesh
Not into partying?? Hate DnB, mainstream music and flashing lights?? Just looking for an alternative that’s a wee bit more… well, alternative????
Why not try making your own music!
It’s common knowledge that a couple of drinks turns even the quietest people into pop sensations.
Gather whatever you can find, empty cans, bottles, pots, spoons, whatever and just jam.
Smash them together, hit them with utensils. Pots become drums, pans become cymbals, you become Dave fucking Grohl.
R&B: Rhythm and Booze. Your neighbours might not love it, but you certainly will!
Speaking from experience, and all shit-posting aside, this is a genuinely great way to have a laugh with some of the new people you meet at the start of the semester.
Nothing breaks down barriers like getting hammered and belting a soulful rendition of ‘Wagon Wheel’ while you loudly clang a wooden spoon against a pot.
And who knows, you might even form a band, or catch the ear of an up-and-coming local music producer. People listen to all sorts of music. Someone might think pots clanging and drunk people hollering is the next big thing.
It might have been a shite start to the semester, especially for first years, but don’t let that get you down. Get creative, get stupid.
Make the most out of a fairly mundane start to the year by having some low-key, restriction-friendly fun with your mates.
Illustrated by Sara Moana
Just cause most of O-Week’s been canned, doesn’t mean your good time has to be.