Ramming w/ Fergus: Giving head
Q. Hey Fergus, my boyfriend sucks at going down on me. What should I do?
A. I’ve never had this feedback on my own work before, but I’ll help you out.
As a beloved mascot and certified sex god, trust me when I say that tackling this problem can be as calm or sexy as you make it. Sit him down and tell him everything he is doing horribly wrong – but do it with your top off and he won’t get offended. Don’t underestimate the power of your insults.
Or go with the positive reinforcement tactic. Give him a snack every time he licks it right. And if he does it wrong, spray him with a plant mister. Like he’s a cat who keeps trying to knock cups off the kitchen bench.
If you’re sick of him practicing on you, tell him to find a fencepost – that's how I learnt. It will really toughen up his tongue and jaw so he’s ready to eat you out cross-country style.
Worst case, there are some real good toys out there. Not that I’ve ever had to use them. Whether you want to use them yourself or maybe throw one into the mix with your boyfriend, it could be worth a shot. Have fun with it, go buck-wild (or go ram). But talk to him about it first. I wouldn’t be opposed to someone just straight-up throwing a sex toy at me in the thick of it, but not everyone can be like me. Devastating, I know, but there’s only one Fergus.