Religion and the Queer Community

I didn’t grow up in a religious household, technically my family is Anglican but I have never really given the big guy in the sky much consideration. My complete apathy towards religion started transitioning into, quite honestly, an open dislike for it when I realised I was gay. A lot of queer YouTubers I watched made reaction videos to homophobic propaganda from religious groups, laughing at their ignorance. I laughed along with them, but the reality of an old book telling huge groups of its devout followers to hate people like me was quite frightening. I’m lucky because my coming out process wasn’t that conflicting for me, I knew that there was nothing wrong with who I was and I didn’t believe in God or hell, so I wasn’t taking any of that into consideration. This isn’t the reality for a lot of people though, the relationship between being queer and being religious is complicated, and often-times it doesn’t exist harmoniously.  

Alex took a really long time to come out to his family after he realised he was gay. He’d told his close friends but was working up the courage to tell his extended family. “I sorted a plan in my head that would make the coming out process easier. I made a hierarchy of family members in my head, about who would accept the news the easiest and who would take it the hardest. Looking back on this after seven years, all my family members that were religious were the ones to be told last. I don’t remember this being a conscious decision at the time. I justified it based on their culture of how they’d acted around me,” he shared.  

The pressure of coming out into a religious family can be really daunting. Especially when you hear members of your family openly expressing their homophobia.  

“I remember sitting on the couch with my uncle, before I came out, when a story about a gay wedding came on the TV. I immediately felt myself tense up because he’s a born again Christian and I’d never really heard him talk about anything to do with the gay community. I thought we were in the clear, when at the end of the show he says to himself ‘I still think that’s a bit disgusting’. Then he just kept drinking his tea, like he hadn’t just completely altered my view of him and his beliefs,” Jane* recalls.  

“It was just completely confronting, I didn’t understand what would make him say something like that. My family was religious, but the kind that only says grace at Christmas and stopped going to church when I was seven. I’d never been exposed to anyone who let their religion impact their view on the whole community of people. Since that moment I’ve got a really clouded view of religion. I feel uncomfortable in churches, and I still get that same tense feeling whenever the topic of the queer community comes up. It’s like I’m just waiting for someone to say something,” she continues. 

Luckily, a lot of religious communities are letting go of the old fashioned views that informed their opinion in the past. Obviously there are still bigots out there who happen to be religious, like a certain church leader who blamed same-sex marriage for the Christchurch earthquakes. On the other hand though, there are church groups who have openly expressed their support for the queer community. The recent campaign for public submissions on the conversion therapy ban in New Zealand saw significant numbers of church groups openly supporting the ban.  

Sasha* went to an all-girls Catholic high school, her mum teaches at a Catholic primary school, and many members of her family are religious. Although she doesn’t go to church anymore, she still considers herself Catholic and her faith is a significant part of her identity. Despite the Catholic community’s infamy for their views on homosexuality, when Sasha realised she was queer, her faith brought her comfort rather than confusion.  

“It wasn’t too conflicting for me, I know that God accepts everyone, so he’ll accept me. It didn’t change any of my beliefs. My sexuality and my faith are two different parts of me, they co-exist quite comfortably to me,” she says.  

The relationship between religion and the queer community can be a complicated one. A lot of queer people will always feel uncomfortable or even scared about the topic of religion. My sister is a Christian and even used to be a youth leader. Her faith has never made me feel uncomfortable, in the same way my queerness has never been a thing for her. When I asked her about her opinion on those who use religion as an excuse for their prejudice she initially kept it pretty short and sweet.  

“I just think they’re fuckwits,” she said.  

However accurate that statement was, she continued with a more articulate response, which is a perfect note to end on.  

“Religion at its core is about love, and those that use it to discriminate against queer people clearly don’t understand what love is and have forgotten what religion is actually about.”