Horoscopes (vol 4)
Like an infant locked in a playroom, you will have an undeniable urge to draw on the walls, tear down the curtains and shit in the communal kitchen. Just don’t let your property manager… Or your flatmates for that matter. Sober up buddy.
You might want to de-clutter this week. The collective energies of the cute rocks and starry symbols you have accrued have begun to meld. Morphing into a being of their own. Get rid of that which you do not need, or it might just get rid of you…
Do you ever wish there were 2 of you to get everything done with half the stress and double the time? Well, be careful what you wish for. If you see someone who reminds you a little too much of your own face, beware. Doubles have been seen roaming the campus. Be ready for a fight to the death or some strange kinky sex. Just remember, only one of you can come out on top...
Cancer
Your want to constantly fix people has become out of control. Your friends don’t mind though, with replacement hands, eyes and teeth handed out to all who need them. Just don’t ask where they came from, or why you’re covered in dirt.
Go on, catch that glance of yourself in the shop window, the bathroom mirror, anywhere you can. But beware, don’t stare too long or you won’t be able to look away. Stare too long and you might just fall in and find yourself trapped in your own reflection. But is that really a bad thing? You don’t need to keep up with uni when you’re stuck in the mirror realm.
Go against your nature. Allow control to cede and chaos to prevail. Your hair matted and woven, belongings in rubble and life left unchecked. You may finally feel free from the pressing need to do things right. Maybe try getting pegged?
Spinning sweet lies or half truths to stitch together the perfectly relevant past. Beware, your thread is wearing thin. Keep treating yourself as a piece of yarn and you may wake up one day to find you’ve spun yourself into a gown. One that is both frumpy and ill fitted
“I don’t believe in star signs” you say. “That’s because you’re a scorpio” they say. Court hearing for murder is next week. Good luck finishing your uni work with that anger AND a body on your hands.
Avoid the block 12 showers. While the dulcet tones and lapping water might sound entrancing, the couple fucking certainly won’t appreciate the intrusion of privacy. Or maybe they will… either way it won’t end well.
Get some excitement into your life for once. That perfect sauce symbol placed upon your well curated home cooked meal will summon something ancient and foreboding. Who knows, you might just make a friend under all those tendrils, or worse, have fun.
Don’t play devil’s advocate, again... The spawn of satan who worked an eternity for that position won’t take kindly to mere humas who cut the line. One more “well actually” and you might just find yourself dragged to the fiery depths by devil himself, having to explain your speaking on his behalf.
Be careful when daydreaming this week. The intense energy of your distraction will manifest itself into reality. And you will KNOW, not wonder, whether you would prefer penises for fingers or a finger for a penis. But you will not be able to change your mind, no matter what strange encounters ensue… Or restraining orders.