DMs from someone with an OnlyFans
TW: online sexual harassment
Existing online in the male gaze is a hassle. Ask literally anyone with an online presence who’s not a cis dude. It’s a lot. As a non-binary person with an OnlyFans, my relationship with men online has the potential to be financially amazing, although it often ends up with desperate and nonsensical requests, with no reimbursement for the time and energy they have wasted.
From feet pic requests to harassment, dick pics and date requests, men online seem to take your existence as an invitation to interact with you sexually. It’s pretty fucked up as I’m sure you know, but some of the messages and requests you can get are strange at best, and downright disturbing at worst.
Some of you will be thinking “well you have an OnlyFans, of course they’ll be interacting with you sexually”. I get it, but… no. I put years of study and skill with cameras and hours upon hours of my time a week to create some top-notch nudes. Some people pay for access to these, and I appreciate them. It’s not a lot of money, but it helps me to afford my work, and makes the time and energy I spend worth it. I enjoy my work and my followers enjoy it too, but the cheapskates sliding into my DMs are far less appreciated.
So, for your entertainment, and my despair, I present to you:
A collection of DMs from thirsty dudes
“Ohhh, your bird is so nice. I want more 😍”
Interestingly enough, I do not own a bird, so I assume this means dick. 3/10.
“You’re absolutely everything (Emoji x2) Love your photos and how you so elegantly capture the beautiful of male anatomy (Emoji x2) xx”
Followed up almost immediately with…
“Reported your twitter :)”
The contrast provides a chuckle I’ll admit, but more confusing than concerning. 4/10.
Mmm ur so hot
Dick pic
King big dick
Dick pic
Dick pic
Dick pic
Dick pic
Dick pic
Daddy
Dick pic
I admire the persistence, less so the lack of taking a fucking hint. 4/10.
Love your bush baby your body is perfect
Wanna smell that pubes
Specific, mistyped, solid. 5/10.
“Hi babe, nice hairo dick”
Short, punchy, vague, misspelled. Nice. 6/10.
“Want suck tour dick”
Same reasons as above, no elaboration, just vague shit. Love it. 6/10.
Dick pic
“Hello how are you How to become my penis like this”
“help me please”
I don’t know if the “help me” is related to the prior messages or this guy is in trouble, but a wonderful experience of nonsensical amusement. The grammar is quality too. 7/10.
“Hi! You’re really fuckin hot. I can’t imagine how many thirsty messages you must get lmao”
The irony, oh the irony. No fucking clue when to take their own hint. Absolutely stellar. 9/10.
And now the winner, prepare yourselves. I’ll have to paraphrase this one because it was a damn essay…
“I have these desires and dreams… to become your toilet slave, and your butt be my superior.”
“I would wish to be your toilet slave under a rim chair, you using me to take a sh*t in my mouth, and help me to understand my true meaning in life I was born for.”
“Would you do something like this? I would pay for the honour.”
“How much would you charge for so that I could be your own personal toilet… and eat everything that comes out of your ass. and serve as your toilet.”
Good LORD that was a lot to take in. Keep in mind this is a single, VERY long message that I have had to cut down. You certainly don’t leave anything to the imagination. I don’t mean to kink shame, but usually with something like this, you should probably ease into it, test the waters before going all in, right? Apparently not. For boldness, attention to detail, and straight up strangeness I give this the ultimate 10/10.
Please note that none of these people are paying customers, none of them got a reply, and none of them should be messaging me shit like this in the first place. As payment for their deeds, enjoy their pitiful words as a source of amusement. So, men. If you’re going to be gross in online spaces, a) don’t, and b) if you do, at least have the decency to make it so wack it’s amusing.