A Way to Survive
A Massey Fine Arts student’s journey through sex work
Turning 18 is a milestone for many people. A fleeting feeling of freedom, liberty, and some much-needed time away from your parents. But for some, when you turn 18, you’re out of options. That feeling of freedom is absent – instead replaced with economic entrapment.
At a small cafe, Massey University Fine Arts student Anna* meets me with a wide smile. As we start to speak, my fingers dance on the top of my coffee cup while hers fidget, checking her phone. Over the lively brunch-rush chatter, Anna’s hands tighten as her smiling demeanour turns stern, and tells me how it all began.
While many sex workers do enjoy their job, seeing it as a choice, Anna’s experience in full service was different. It begins in her hometown, Hamilton. At age 18, her homelife was becoming increasingly strained as her parents began threatening to kick her out of home because of her gender identity. “Because that happens a lot, especially for queer people, they end up getting kicked out of the house,” Anna explains, “And my parents threatened it so often”. Around this time, she entered into sex work to save up the funds and escape this environment.
Before meeting Anna, I wondered how I would approach such a deeply personal topic, and the questions I needed to ask. I expected Anna to be nervous, with eyes darting around the room to escape.
To my surprise and awe, Anna holds my gaze without fear, looking me dead in the eyes. She describes her journey with a harsh rawness, her back straight, and shoulders held back with confidence.
For around seven months during 2021, Anna worked consistently as a sex worker while living in Hamilton. However, she quickly learnt that while many of the other workers in the industry like the job, she did not.
"I know that there is a market out there for people that do enjoy this kind of stuff. But from my experience, this tends to be people who have the choice, instead of someone who is struggling.”
Despite her growing unease and dislike of the job, Anna had nowhere else to go and very little choice. But Wellington had more money to offer. She explains to me that Wellington clientele pay better than those in Hamilton.
“You can make a lot more money here than you can make in other places. But you also need more money to survive, more money to live”.
Despite the higher income in Wellington, the lack of security and safety she felt didn’t make the pay seem like it was worth it. It was a rude awakening for Anna, as Wellington forced her to meet the harsh and risqué implications of full-time sex work.
Hands tightened as she recounted this tumultuous time in her life, “I had a couple weeks in Wellington where I tried it as well, but I ended up getting drugged.”
Despite having access to agencies for sex workers, such as The New Zealand Sex Workers Collective, Anna refused to join any after hearing stories about “dodgy” contracts.
Anna began to increasingly feel a mental toll from sex work. She turned to unhealthy ways to endure the darker sides of sex work. With a hesitant confession, Anna tells me she was abusing alcohol throughout her career.
“I was getting drunk every night,” Anna admits, “Any time there was a client bothering me, I would get drunk.” She says this was because of how intense it was and just how little security it gave, “You had to take on a clientele that you didn't want.”
While many people believe it’s the stigma of the job that drives workers out of the industry, Anna disagrees that it’s the only reason. She found the hardest part was the feeling of being trapped in the job. “There's this very specific box that I am put into, or there's a box that I don't fit ... It’s really hard to get out,” she says bitterly.
Because of this, sex workers might struggle to ease into new careers, or even be seen as regular people. Anna says this is all “a societal problem more than anything." But in 2022, Anna left the sex work industry after she was offered a job raising charity funds. While sex work provided her with the money she needed to escape her toxic home life, it came at a significant personal cost to Anna’s mental health.
Despite only working in the industry for a short period, Anna believes it will have long-lasting implications on her life. Already, she experiences a substantial lack of trust within her relationships. "When a system is not built for you, you tend to do things outside of said system," Anna says, her shoulders still holding an air of confidence and a humble grin coming back to life as we finish our conversation.
As I finished my coffee, Anna and I say goodbye to one another. I left the cafe with a new perspective on the harsh realities that can push someone into sex work, as well as push someone out of it.
Anna has been out of the sex work industry for over two years. Now, she is a third-year Fine Arts student at Massey University, spending her time exploring and expressing her sexuality through her works of art.
*Name has been changed for anonymity