Will you ever find love? Take our quiz and find out....

Hey hot stuff! Your Tinder bio is..... 

A) Empty. You don’t want Big Data to collect information about you.  

B) Some dumb quote about how much you like to drink.  

C) Your exact height measurements.  

D) Your exact height measurements plus three inches. 

You’re going out on a date! Cute! How do you prepare?  

A) Scream into the void.  

B) Ghost them and get food at Macca’s w your mates. 

C) Buy condoms.  

D) Do your laundry for the first time in over a month lol.  

You arrive at your date. They are a clown. You.... 

A) Are also a clown. It is no problem to you.  

B) Ask them to tell you a joke. 

C) Ask for a big helping of their cream pie.  

D) Squeeze their big nose only to discover they are not in clown costume. Not all clowns wear costumes 24/7. They have a normal life too. Oh God why did you just squeeze their nose?  

Zoo-wee-mama! The romance is heating up! However, you really need to pee. You... 

A) Wait until they need to go to the restroom, and go with them. The date never stops!  

B) Pat your stomach loudly and say you need to go “see a man about a dog”.  

C) Hold it in. When they make you cum later, it’ll all come out, one way or another.  

D) Wait for a lull in conversation and excuse yourself. Ask the waitress for directions. Even if you know the way.  

Your date tells you of their aspirations to one day steal The Gemstone Medallion, an ancient pirate treasure that lies deep beneath the sea. You... 

A) Whip out your gun. You also have the same aspirations and you’ll be dammed if you’re going to split the treasure with an amateur treasure hunter. 

B) Ignore them and tell them all about your plans to open a local small business selling fresh produce, from farm to table.  

C) Say “pirate booty, nice” and have a little chuckle.  

D) Ask politely about their plans to acquire such treasure. Say you have a cousin who tried the same thing, a couple of months ago.  

Your date begins to grow suspicious of you, muttering how you plan to steal The Gemstone Medallion. You see a glint of a knife under their napkin.... 

A) Continue holding your gun at them. You never stopped. Your arm is getting a little bit tired but you’ve been training for this moment for years. But still.... you’re getting tired.  

B) Laugh manically.  

C) “Is that a knife or are you just pleased to see me?”  

D) Tell a longwinded story in order to casually drop in the fact that you’re allergic to gemstones.  

Ahhhh! Your date has just attacked you! You are bleeding heavily! You... 

A) Attack the bastard back. If you go down, they’re gonna go down too, dammit. You lunge for them, but they manage to duck, just in time.  

B) Immediately message the group chat. “WTF lol???”  

C) Google if blood can be used as lube.  

D) Cry and try to bandage your wounded leg.  

Despite your best efforts, you’re beginning to feel lightheaded. Uh oh! You.... 

A) Cry out, “I’ll never tell you the location of The Gemstone Medallion! You’ll die trying to find it!” Your date turns around from their daring escape, intrigued. Could it be possible that you are the sole keeper of the keys? The promised Guardian of the Medallion’s watery grave? Either way, they’re willing to find out.... 

B) With your dying breath, you manage to lock your Twitter account. No need for your parents to find that little chestnut.  

C) You already died like as soon as the knife touched you. Sorry my dude.  

D) “Tell my parents I loved them,” you whisper to the horrified waitress.  

You wake up in a dark cave! What??? What’s going on??? 

A) You know exactly where you are. You have been here a long, long time ago. Before the birth of civilisation. Before time itself.  

B) N/A 

C) N/A 

D) N/A 

Your date appears from the shadows of the cavern. “I’ve been waiting a long time for you,” they say.  

A) “I know,” you reply. “That clown disguise wasn’t fooling anyone. I could tell a true clown from a fake any day.”  

B) N/A 

C) N/A 

D) N/A  

“That may be so. But now I have you in my clutches. And you WILL tell me the location of the Gemstone Medallion!”  

A) You smile, slowly, knowing that the date has only just begun.... 

B) N/A 

C) N/A 

D) N/A 

Answers:  

If you answered mostly:  

A) Yes! You will find love! In an unexpected but thrilling way! Your passion will take you all over the universe, chasing each other from treasure to treasure. Once, and only once, you’ll share a fleeting kiss before they ultimately betray you in an untimely fashion.  

B) No.  

C) No but with a boner.  

D) No.