What Your Coffee Order Says About You:

Hot Chocolate:  

You tried coffee once and found it too *spicy*, so you order this to feel included on coffee runs. You’re probably a little sensitive, and cry watching David Attenborough. If you ask for specific-coloured marshmallows, trust me the barista hates you.  

Mocha:  

You’re in it for the buzz, you like that it makes your brain go zoom. You feel like you’re a part of the coffee crew, but know you’re being judged by flat white drinkers. You’re definitely a bottom, sorry :/.  

Flat White:  

When you started drinking coffee you just ordered what your mum always got, and now you’re stuck with it. You think you’re a regular at your local coffee shop, but the staff there swear they’ve never seen you before. You rule the coffee runs.  

Iced Latte:  

You’re impatient and always in a rush. You can’t stand it when you order an iced coffee and an ice cream filled monstrosity is brought out to you. Also, you’re probably hot.  

Caramel Latte:  

Everyone says you’re basic and that’s hurtful, ya know. You’ve got layers, you take risks, one time you ordered a medium curry by accident and your eyes didn’t even water. You’ve got a taste for the finer things in life, those flavour shots don’t come cheap.  

Long Black: 

You love a coffee date, but not the dairy induced shits that come with it. You feel a strong sense of pride when you order your black coffee among your flat white friends. Coffee fuels your cold heart and you wear Doc Marten’s.  

Macchiato:  

You went to Italy with your family in 2015. You judge other coffee drinkers and emphasise that you “just couldn’t have that much milk”. You probably pronounce espresso EX-presso.  

Short Black:  

You’re definitely on some kind of business call when you order your coffee in the morning. You looove the taste of dirt and pretend it tastes amazing. You’ve never owned a keep-cup and like how fancy the tiny cup makes you feel.