Underaged and underestimated: The quest for fake IDs
The start of your first year is fucking iconic, lined with all sorts of fresher parties and social events. Making friends is hard and what could aide that more than sweet, sweet liquor? However, for many, this season is deeply cursed. Whilst all their friends are off partying, the under 18s among us are side-lined, doomed to probably cry-wank in a corner. Sure, maybe you can swing a bottle off your older friends for pre-drinks, but town is a write-off. To get into any club, or self-respecting bar, you need an ID. Some freshers accept this fact and wait it out until the big 1-8. Good for them. Keep repressing that inner trauma.
But some, the brave few, dare to defy the system. They dare to take a stand against the status quo, dare to dream. These golden few go on the legendary quest for a fake ID. Massive decided to delve into the underbelly of the beast, to discover the dos and don'ts of fake IDs.
Courtney* was 17 when university started, which “sucked so much. I felt so much like the odd one out. All my hall mates were getting dressed up for town and I was stuck in my room watching shitty TikToks.” With her birthday not until June, she decided to take action and procure her fake ID through a friend of a friend. “It’s honestly just about who you know,” she says. Courtney initially just borrowed it for a few times out then “I claimed I lost it, just so I [could] keep it. It was a bit of a dick move but I was young and did much worse things that year lol.”
Michaela got her fake ID in year 13 in order to go partying with friends. “It was a no-brainer really. I was so sick of having to steal liquor out of my parents' cabinets, plus I think they had started to notice that the vodka was a bit watery.” She says she snooped through social media to find her perfect match. “I’d asked around, but my circle is pretty small, so I took to Facebook and Insta to find something. Honestly, I’d just go through the pictures of older girls from school, look at crowd pics and stuff until I found some possibilities.” Upon finding some options, she’d message the girls individually, asking for their help. “These were total strangers, and I had at least one tell me to fuck off. However, there was one, I think she was about my third choice, who seemed keen.” For $100 bucks, Michaela secured a learner's license with a blonde look-alike. “We actually had very similar resting-bitch faces; it was pretty neat. We could have been distant cousins.”
A license replacement fee costs $38.20, so a tidy profit was made but really, the act is more charitable than anything else. “I think she felt bad for me, I was so obviously desperate. I just wanted to do vodka shots and slut-drop in a club, who doesn’t sympathise with that?”
Jasmine* complained that “it was really shit to look for one as a ginger, no-one matched up with me”. Honestly, ginger hardship is real. Check in with your gingers, make sure they’re doing okay. “Often there’ll be a guy at a high school who knows how to scratch them and so your fake ID will be the last year of your birthdate scratched into another number.” However, this tactic only works for certain birthdays, and finding a talented artist can be gruelling work. If you do manage to score via this route though, just expect an awkward conversation when you go for your next drivers test.
Several students that Massive spoke to admitted to scoring a license off their older siblings. “It’s the least they can do,” one says. Often, you can obtain these for free, or only pay the $38 it costs to replace the license, depending on the depths of your family bonds. Better start remembering those birthdays, kids. Getting your older sibling to buy an 18+ card, which only costs $55, is another popular option. Michaela says “no one that has a license actually needs their 18+ card, so it’s an easy thing to part ways with”.
If you’re thinking about securing your ID from a dodgy internet site or off Reddit, perhaps think again. Jasmine says that route is “very 2005 bro humour film troupe” but reckons none are actually legit. I know, Superbad lied to us all. McLovin was a lie, alongside the idea that Emma Stone and Jonah Hill would actually get together. If you have managed to successfully find a fake off a website though, kudos to you.
However, securing a fake ID is one thing. Successfully using it is a whole other ball-game. The maximum fine for a fake ID is $2000, but typically the majority of offences are served an infringement notice, where the penalty is $250. It’s a risk, but clearly one that some are willing to take.
Most of the sources Massive chatted to all seemed to pass the infamous bouncer test. Only one failed and had their fake confiscated by a bouncer. Ben says he “didn’t have to pay a fine, thankfully, I was just refused entry. It was a bit of a shit moment, but I turned 18 a month later so it was fine in the scheme of things.”
Michaela says, “The key is to go late, and hide in a big line. By then the bouncers are so busy dealing with intoxicated idiots that they’ll barely give you a second look. Oh, and dressing slutty doesn’t hurt either.” She admits that she’s “nervous” about buying from a liquor store, and tends to make her mates go for her.
Jasmine notes that a license “is pretty small photo, everyone looks different to their ID photo once they put makeup on”. ID photos can also be from a couple of years ago, as every 21-year-old still on their learners can attest to (honestly, just go for your restricted, I’m begging you). Bouncers have to show some discretion, which is perfect for the crooks and young’uns.
Courtney says for her first time she was “practically shitting myself. I was so nervous; I was really in my head about it. I did my makeup identical to the picture, which meant wearing winged eyeliner which I almost never do.” She admits she almost backed out at the last minute, but with her friend's encouragement, she managed to get past the door. Courtney says that overall, “I’m so glad I got one. It just made a huge difference to my social life. I would have been drinking regardless, but it meant I could go out and dance with my mates. I had a great year.”
Fake IDs are a reality of most underaged students at uni. Whether you agree with them or not, they’re here to stay. If you are a 17-year-old fresher, my thoughts and prayers go out to you. Whatever you have to do to survive, you do you.
*Some names have been changed to protect identity