There’s no shame in being medicated

Illustrated by Marie Bailey

When you have a migraine, someone will offer you a Panadol to help ease the pressure in your head. It’s a pretty basic principle really; something is causing you discomfort and you use medicine to treat it so that you can go about your day without being in pain. Antidepressants work the same, helping balance the chemicals in your brain so you feel well enough to live your life. They’re not an instant fix, nor the only solution to help a low mood. However, they are often shrouded in a sense of shame or secrecy, which is weird because I’ve never felt ashamed of having a migraine.  

Data obtained by Newshub found that 8.6 per cent of New Zealanders had used antidepressants over a 12-month period in 2018. Data released by RNZ found that prescriptions for antidepressants were at an all-time high in 2021, showing us that more New Zealanders are reaching out for help when they need it, and maybe the sense of shame was being lifted a little. Mental health is a nuanced topic, delving into the ins and outs of the mental health system in New Zealand would take more time than there is in a single week. Instead, I wanted to talk to some people who have reached out for help with their mental health, and their experiences going on medication to treat it.  

Emma* has always been an anxious person, she has health anxiety and was often written off as being a hypochondriac or a germaphobe. It’s a lot more complicated than that, and it worsened to the point where she couldn’t leave the house or do the things she loved.  

“Going on antidepressants changed my life. I was having panic attacks all the time, and basically stayed inside for a month because my anxiety was that bad. I wasn’t doing any of the things I loved, like exercising or playing my guitar. Once I went on medication I could do those things again,” she tells Massive. 

The difference between just surviving and feeling actually well is a big one for the people I spoke to, yes before medication they weren’t in immediate danger but they also weren’t thriving. This is an issue in itself, we get an idea in our head about what depression is supposed to look like, as if there’s a quota for how bad your mental health has to be for you to deserve help.  

“My older sibling has always had problems with their mental health, so growing up I felt like I wasn’t depressed enough to reach out for help because I wasn’t as bad as them. It took me having a full-on mental breakdown to go to student health and get on medication,” Zoe* tells Massive.  

When she finally did get on medication, the side effects had a huge effect on her. She thought she would be okay to take herself off them, but decided to go back to her doctor and try different medication after a short while.  

“I basically came off them because they ruined my sex drive, and I was in a bit of a hoe phase so that wasn’t going to work for me”, she says.  

The timeframe to be on antidepressants is different for everyone, some people can come off them and manage their mental health in other ways like therapy. However, a lot of people don’t see themselves coming off them.  

Charlie* has been on fluoxetine (also known as Prozac) since she was 16. She was having a difficult time at school and often coming home exhausted and upset about what had happened that day. Her parents noticed her constantly focussing on the negative and they decided to talk to her.  

“They sat me down and told me that I wasn’t myself lately, and that they thought I needed help. Anxiety and depression runs in my family so they put the dots together and decided to take me to the doctor. I’ve been on antidepressants for five years now.”   

No experience with medication is the same, some people will be able to go on medication and pick up healthy habits like therapy and exercise, then be able to come off them. For others though, it’s a way to make their brain feel balanced.  

Getting diagnosed with depression can be a difficult process, especially for young women. In my experience, a lot of medical professionals tend to chalk it up to hormones. When I went in as a teenager, they told me I was young and that it would pass. They set me up with a counsellor who had a six-week waitlist, and also happened to be the most terrible therapist I’ve ever encountered. Luckily, I was able to bring myself out of that spell once I left high school, and got myself diagnosed properly so I could learn to manage it.  

Lily* had a similar experience. She noticed that in the two weeks leading up to her period she just felt absolutely awful and often had really dark thoughts. It would come and go, and half the time she felt fine. But when she felt bad, she would feel really bad. She did some research and figured out she may have premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMD). Essentially, PMD sufferers have feelings of extreme anxiety, irritability and low mood in the weeks before their period. These symptoms usually go away once their period starts.  

Lily was fully prepared when she went to her doctor's appointment, determined to be listened to. She was always dipping up and down in her mood, and wanted to do something about it because it was impacting her life in a major way.  

“I would always get told to go out for a walk, or do some mindfulness exercises. But no amount of meditation is going to fix a chemical imbalance in your brain,” she says.  

Constantly engaging in a battle with your own brain is awful, you feel shit for not knowing how to control your own brain. I asked people how they manage their mental health themselves, as well as being on medication.  

Zoe finds that managing her own expectation of productivity helps her stay on top of her mental health and not get overwhelmed.  

“I basically plan a few days to be unproductive, if I have some free time I will schedule in a morning or an afternoon where I just lie in bed and do nothing. It gives me something to look forward to and I don’t feel bad for not being productive because I have specifically planned to not be. I’ll sleep in and go on TikTok for hours and not feel bad about it, to make sure I have enough energy to do the things I know I need to do,” she says.  

Sophie* says for her, managing her mental health is about trying to stay positive and acknowledging you’re not going to get it right 100 per cent of the time.  

“What I try and tell myself is; it doesn’t matter if you fuck it up today because tomorrow you’ll do better. It’s okay to feel awful, but it’s not going to be like that forever,” she says.  

Going on medication is a big step for a lot of people, it involves acknowledging that you don’t think you can manage on your own. No one should feel embarrassed about going on medication, in fact I would argue it shows a sense of self-awareness and emotional intelligence. Being able to say to yourself “I’m not okay” shows that you’re strong. Reaching out for help and getting it shows that you’re strong.  

We need to start treating mental health the same way we treat physical health, as something that is treatable. Medication won’t work for everyone, in the same way therapy won’t work for everyone, but it’s a step in the right direction.