Student Thieves Ravage O-Week Goodie Bags
A lack of O-Week events has caused the Wellington student body to turn feral, as freshers have been caught stealing all the good shit from orientation goodie bags. This blatant crime comes directly after students were encouraged by Mason Tangatatai, Editor of Massive Magazine to “steal as much free shit as possible during O-Week” in their inaugural magazine.
MAWSA Co-President, Fiona Lu, is gravely disappointed with the attitude shown by the first-year cohort and believes there needs to be a more ”united” student body. “Massey Wellington students, we are a team of like 5,000, when you steal a Red Bull from us, you steal a vital energy boost from a fellow student,” says Lu. Students where invited by MAWSA to take one goodie bag per person. Within these bags are O-Week essentials such as condoms, coffee, various pamphlets and of course, RedBull. In the past, this tradition has acted as a peace offering between the association and the students it looks after. Unfortunately, the scenes at Masseys Campus Co-lab were anything but peaceful as thieves got creative looking for ways to stock up on stimulants for the long semester ahead.
MAWSA General Manager, Julian Tanaka was forced to keep guard of the O-Week goodie bags to ensure no more coffee and Red Bull was stolen.
“It’s been a long shift guarding the orientation bags, students have been hatching shifty plans to get more than they’re allowed,” says Tanaka. “We put a lot of TLC into these bags, I genuinely hope no one misses out because of this,” Tanaka continues.
MAWSA Designer, Tallulah Farrar believes students need to reflect on their actions. “Red Bull and coffee are the cornerstone of our student body’s lives. If you are taking this valuable source away from another student, you need to take a good, long hard look at yourself,” says Farrar.
Massey University has a strict policy on stealing. To remind those responsible for these heinous crimes, we have copied the Crimes Act below.
Crimes Act 1961
s219 Theft or stealing
(1) Theft or stealing is the act of,—
(a) dishonestly and without claim of right, taking any property with intent to deprive any owner permanently of that property or of any interest in that property;
s223 Punishment of theft
(b) if the value of the property stolen exceeds $1,000, to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 7 years; or
(d) if the value of the property stolen does not exceed $500, to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 3 months.
When approached for comment, Mason Tanagatai bolted to his office, locked his door, and continued to blast Imagine Dragons. We believe this wasn’t how he imagined his first print week at Massive Magazine would go, but we hope this reality check halts his vendetta against the students of Massey University.