Solicited Advice

Solicited advice is a weekly column where an Massey’s very own four legged friend, Pocket, answers the questions you want answered. This won’t include the stock-standard, sugar-coated advice you’re used to hearing – we’re talking about the truths that are REALLY on your mind. 

Do you have a question you’re dying to have answered by Pocket? DM Massive Magazine on Instagram and look out for next week's issue. Also, follow us while you’re at it x 
 

Pocket, I’m a regular at the coffee shop near my work, but the other regulars seem to be on a first name basis with the staff. I want in on that, but I’m so shy! What do I do? 

While I need only to exist to be adored, you humans must submit to the mortifying ordeal of talking to strangers before they can love you. A pity really; there’s not much I would despise more. Perhaps having to let a dog eat my wet food (the good stuff with the gravy) might be worse, but not by a wide margin.  

However, I sympathise with your predicament. In a year gone by, there was one student union rep who seemed unaffected by my presence in the office. This was bothersome, as usually they are all falling over themselves for my attention. While I clearly did not need her affection for my own self-worth, I know that all creatures love gifts and that some humans use this as a means to forge intimacy with others. 

Deposit a dead mouse on the counter next time you order. A sure winner. 

Regards, 
Pocket