Singing shows ranked from best to worst (but they’re all kinda shit)
I have a love-hate relationship with singing shows. While I’m fully aware they’re another trashy reality TV show disguised by talented, hopeful individuals, singing shows have continued to hold tight grip over my teenage and young-adult years. I can date back my misguided infatuation to 2009, when Stan Walker was crowned the winner of Australian Idol’s final season. Little did I know, but this moment would mold my future - for the worse.
In the early days of the singing show genre, the concept was fairly simple: judges listened to people sing, and gave them feedback. This ranged from universal praise to the scathing criticisms made famous by Simon Cowell, the Gordon Ramsey of this particular realm. Thanks to the resounding success of American Idol, we were eventually subjected to various iterations of this formula, whether it involved a panel that couldn’t see who was singing until they pressed a button to turn their magic throne around, or having celebrities dressed up in costumes while belting out tunes and letting less famous celebrities try to guess the identity of the vocalist in disguise.
I’ve spent years trying to figure out why I, and the general public, have such a fascination with watching people sing. And while this question remains unsolved, I’ve instead refocused my attention to dissecting where each show fits on the ladder of entertainment. Many of these atrocities have quickly come and gone over the years but plenty of them are still going strong, and as a result, I decided to rank the biggest ones that remain from best to worst.
1. The Voice
The premise of The Voice essentially boils down to the belief that ugly people shouldn’t be allowed to be famous singers. Yes, this may be true in an industry of aesthetics, The Voice gives the average joe a chance to perform without the weight of societal pressures….
But, once the chairs have been turned, and the rest of the competition unfolds, contestants are once again placed back into the blender of societal standards. Therefore, the show sadly loses steam and becomes another version of American Idol. The rest of the season frankly sucks, there’s little innovation season to season, and the performances never seem to match the breathtaking auditions.
Now, you may be surprised to see The Voice take top spot on this list after my scathing criticism, but for me it was a no brainer. The Voice auditions are the pinnacle of ALL reality TV. I’ve watched THOUSANDS of hours of Voice auditions. Not just the U.S version either. France, Mongolia, Netherlands, Australia, Brazil and many many more. Each country has its designated YouTube channel full with hundreds of auditions. Nothing can match the excitement of binging an entire season’s audition, waiting to find the next big thing.
Plus, it's always fun seeing the judges' disappointment when they turn around and the contestant is ugly.
2. American Idol
As I mentioned, we largely have American Idol to blame for all of this, as it’s managed to pump out 20 seasons since the first episode aired in 2002 and launched the career of Kelly Clarkson. Sadly, it has also resulted in a myriad of scandals, and slowly the focus of the show has shifted from the intended singing, to the back-stage drama, tacky judges and soppy backstories.
To its credit, American Idol has produced a few winners who eventually became bonafide sensations. While it appeared it has lost its magic after being canceled by Fox decided to let it die in 2016 only for ABC to resurrect it in 2018 as a shell of its former sell. It might’ve been a no for me, dawg, but in the end, it’s much more of a “yes” than the rest of the shows to follow.
3. Got Talent
Got Talent is more than just a singing competition and I initially debated whether or not it should qualify for this list in the first place, as you have to be kind of a moron to think that being able to sing can compete with magicians, jugglers, or a guy who swallows and then regurgitates everything from light bulbs to goldfish to billiard balls.
While Got talent has proven to be crackup at the best of times, it does tend to lack actual talent in the singing department. Most serious(ish) singers tend to choose the more conventional titles to show off their vocals, and Got Talent is left with outrageous sob-stories, and 500+ child singers.
I also don’t like Howie. Fuck Howie.
4. The Masked Singer
The Masked Singer is an international import from South Korea that asks a simple question: what happens when you take some semi-famous people, dress them up in costumes, and have them anonymously show off their vocal pipes in front of a panel of less famous people?
If you answered “Some garbage television,” you absolutely nailed it!
Although the singing is trash, I still find myself watching the occasional performance when it crosses my Tiktok for you page.
This is yet another show that baffles me, as I can’t fathom why people would devote time to watching an entire season speculating if a guy in an egg suit is Justin Bieber only to discover it was Nick Lachey the entire time.
That’s truly electrifying television if I’ve ever seen it.
5. Lip-sync Battle
Now, this may be a slightly controversial pick, as Lip Sync Battle has many of the elements of a traditional singing competition without any of the, you know, singing.
Lip Sync Battle is basically a TikTok video with a production budget that seems impossible to justify. For some reason, society has reached a point where having the ability to pretend to sing is considered a talent even though there are plenty of others that are arguably more difficult to master but don’t get nearly enough praise, like:
Shadow Puppets
Ventriloquism
Stamp Collecting
Regular Puppets
That “Invisible Box Trick” That Mimes Do
Knot-Tying
Air Guitaring
Impressionists
There are plenty of others I could add to that list but I think it’s a pretty solid collection
6. Any New Zealand spin-off
In dead last, and rightfully so, is any New Zealand version of mainstream singing shows. Not very patriotic of me, I know, but it’s a fact that Aotearoa does not do talent TV well. Each show is a tacky shell of its richer country counterparts. We’ve had a few memorable moments. You might remember in 2015 Willy Moon and Natalia Kills outburst at contestant Joe Irvine, for appearing to rip off Moon’s image.
Kills accused Irvine of copying her husband "from the hair to the suit", and said he was a "laughing stock" and made her "sick". The couple was promptly sacked from the show and memed by viewers across the globe.
Other than seething snippets of drama, and the legend Beau Monga, New Zealand singing shows haven’t produced more than a few garage singers, and cringe moments. If I wanted to listen to aunties singing, I would simply go to a whānau piss-up.
Kudos for trying Aotearoa, let's stick to our strengths, like rugby and Shortland Street.