Sexcapades: Finger Licking Good

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It was a Saturday night and I invited a boy over from Tinder to cook some dinner and see where the night would take us. He arrived right on time, 7pm, and holy fuck he was hot. Like honestly, his pictures did NOT do him justice. I was already moist by the time I led him into the kitchen.  

We started by making pasta: sexy, right? He was stirring the sauce behind me with his arms tight around my waist, slowly grinding into my arse. I nearly came in that second. He kept nibbling my ear and letting his fingers trace up and down my arm. Meanwhile, I was desperately trying not to burn the tomatoes.  

Somehow, and I honestly don’t know how, we managed to make dinner without ripping each other's clothes off. You have NO idea the amount of self-restraint it took, my god. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same thing about dessert.  

It all started with very innocently offering him ice-cream. Everyone likes ice-cream, right? Only, oops! I spilled some on myself. And thankfully he was able to come to the rescue, with his thick muscular tongue. Next thing I knew, I was lying topless on the kitchen floor, chocolate sauce spread across my nipples as this very handsome man started lapping at me. I was a bowl of milk and he was a very greedy kitten.  

Next thing I knew, icecream and chocolate sauce was being poured down my vulva. It was everywhere. I tried to concentrate on the moment, on how delicious it all felt, but honestly I couldn’t help feeling....well, sticky. But the climax was building, I could feel it rising deep within me. He just kept lapping and lapping...until my fucking bitch of a flatmate walked into the kitchen. Honestly! Fucking Tracey and her fucking late-night cups of tea.  

“Oops!” she yelled as she ducked out of sight. But the moment was ruined. The climax gone. All I had was sticky tits and a half-melted cornetto shoved somewhere deep inside of me. The boy left, somewhat awkwardly, promising to call me. I took a shower, only to still wake up the next day to my sheets ruined by chocolately discharged smeared over them like a huge shit stain. Oh, and I developed a yeast infection too. But worth it for the story, right? Right???? 

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Well this is it, my last editorial.