Porn: It’s complicated.
Photography by Callum Parsons
Pornography is always a complicated thing to talk about. It’s important to acknowledge that people shouldn’t be judged for pleasuring themselves by watching porn. It’s equally important to acknowledge that free porn online isn’t always the most ethical media to consume. There’s been lots of coverage about sites like PornHub, which doesn’t have a regulatory body to stop the exploitation of sex workers on their site.
Even though the ethics of free internet porn are often debated, the fact is that huge numbers of people are engaging with it. There has always been a stigma around women watching porn online, something that is so often targeted towards the pleasure of straight men. Globally in 2019, only 26 per cent of those watching PornHub were women. Interestingly, New Zealand women love porn much more than the rest of the world, making up nearly 40 per cent of PornHub’s viewership. So, women in New Zealand are clearly watching porn, but it just doesn’t really get talked about. Watching porn can feel a little bit shameful, obviously no one is shouting from the rooftops when they’re about to put their phone on landscape and bang one out, but it feels like there’s an extra barrier for women.
Cam describes herself as sex positive, but that hasn’t stopped her feeling a sense of shame about watching porn, even if she doesn’t choose to watch it often.
“There’s always been that shame within me. I grew up being told porn and sex are taboo, so those thoughts are always still lingering in my mind a little bit. I’ve come a long way in becoming a sex positive person. I try to stick to homemade porn, in hopes that people are actually enjoying themselves, rather than commercial kind of porn where everything is just fake,” she says.
Cam also finds it hard to find porn where she feels represented, rather than fetishized.
“People would put me in the BBW category of porn. It’s fetishizing as fuck, and most often it plays into the stereotype that we’re hot enough to fuck but not hot enough to date. People are often ashamed to admit that they like fat women outside of a purely sexual context. I don’t feel represented in porn I’ve seen, absolutely not.”
It’s impossible to talk about porn consumption without acknowledging the icky feeling that can sometimes go along with it. There’s no way to know the behind-the-scenes ethics that went into a porn production, and you don’t want to support something that might have caused harm to somebody else. The feeling of fakeness is another thing that some people are bothered by. Dee watches porn very rarely, but when she does, she’s often accompanied by a gross feeling.
“I mean I watch it sometimes, but it often makes me feel icky, not even because of the unethical angle but just because it feels so staged and awkward,” she says.
Dee’s point is a sentiment held by other women who watch porn too. Often it just feels so ridiculous that you have no choice but to laugh because it’s so cringe, whether you’re alone or just trying to spice things up with a partner.
“All the times I’ve watched porn with my boyfriend it seems like a really great idea at the time. Then you actually have to open PornHub and choose something to watch together, it’s like a really unhinged version of trying to agree on what to watch on Netflix. Neither of us actually want to make the move and choose what to watch, and we end up scrolling past videos with the word squirting in them too many times and lose interest. Even if we choose something to watch, it’s really hard to take it seriously and we’ll just start cracking up,” says Liz.
I don’t watch a lot of porn, mostly for this same reason. There’s something really hilarious about watching staged sex. When I was 18, I had never watched porn apart from a few accidental popup ads while trying to stream The Hunger Games on Putlocker when I was in high school. Once I finished school, I went on a Contiki tour around Europe. One of the activities included in the itinerary was a sex show in Amsterdam. Little 18-year-old me watched two people have sex on a stage in front of dozens of people. I remember sitting right at the back to avoid eye-contact and turning to my friend and saying, “Do you think they’re in love?” It turns out they actually were in love; they were married and had been performing together for years.
That’s kind of the thing that I get hung up on, porn is so much better when it’s clear that the people actually want to be there. Platforms like OnlyFans can allow for this to happen, you can support creators directly and maybe avoid the icky feeling you get watching the Hub late at night.
Obviously, the porn industry is problematic and often exploitative, but can it be fixed? Dee had some thoughts about the ethics of porn that I think are important to share.
“You’re not going to reform the porn industry until it’s not a dirty little thing anymore. There are lots of industries that are exploitative, but people get particularly bothered about it because it’s sex and they don’t want to talk about it. The porn industry makes a ton of money, and industries that make a ton of money are famously good at dodging reform. Until we move away from capitalism and this puritanical anti-sex culture then it’s going to be really difficult to make meaningful change and protect minorities who are disproportionately impacted by an exploitative industry.”
No one should feel ashamed about watching pornographic media between consenting adults, or about having desires that 40 per cent of New Zealand women have. Remember, porn isn’t real life and sex isn’t everything. Go forth and conquer porn watchers, and install an adblocker for when you decide to stream The Hunger Games for your family.