How to party even when you’re stuck in fucking Albany: A guide

The worst thing about Massey’s Albany campus is that it’s so fucking far from the rest of Auckland City. Trying to party is the ultimate test of stamina – from drinking at home to topping up on shots and drinks at Ferg’s or in the city. Some people drop off before they even get on the bus to the city, others might just drop off at Ferg’s. If you’re lucky enough to have someone agree to be a sober driver – you’re golden. Otherwise, you’d be at the mercy of the bus system, trying to stay upright and finally... Uber. From preloading, to transport from campus and back, this is a guide on how to get properly pissed in Albany. 

Buying Alcohol

The Albany liquor store just opposite the mall is a choice place to stock up on Cruisers, Long Whites, or whatever your heart desires. There are a few other places around the Albany Village area, it just depends on whatever is closest to you at the time. It’s cheaper than buying drinks and, when you’re on a student budget, every cent counts. Just make sure not to drink so much that you vom on the way to the city or in Ferg’s. 

The First Round of Drinks

The first few rounds usually happens in the halls or the apartments. There are rules about how many people can be in a hall of residence or in the uni apartments. For both places quiet hours start after 11pm, but it’s less policed in the apartments. In the apartments, though, the noise has to be kind of minimal. Top tip: become friends with the people around you so they’re less likely to nark. Or, just invite them to the party! There’s technically a limit on how many people can be in a hall or apartment at one time (for halls, it’s six people in a hall room, 12 in the hall social hub and 20 maximum in the apartments). But don’t let that stop you, just make sure you have room in your closet for quick hiding in case people come knocking. Or, party in the social hub and quickly run off to different rooms if something goes awry. Rules are made to be broken, after all. 

Second Round (Auckland Bars/Ferg’s)

Albany has a few things that make it special, notably the infamous, sexy chicken statue. But, it also has its own student bar: The Ferguson. It’s usually the first stop for freshers, especially when going to the City Centre is too much of a hassle. Things have been a little quiet since lockdown, but you only need a few tequila shots to get the party going, am I right? 

If you’re not feeling the vibe, the smoking shelters are the perfect place for hot goss and a ciggie. Or, just wander out to the back field and have a piss up. There’s got to be some perks for living in the middle of nowhere. 

If you do decide to go to the city, the world is your oyster (kinda smells like it too in the early morning). Bar 101 is usually the first port of call because the bus stops at the CBD. Some of my Auckland Uni friends turn their noses because it’s a “fresher” bar but fuck it, you can get drinks for $3. There’s Impala, which should be a little over five minutes if you’ve got the coordination to do it. Roxy, Saturday’s and the clubs on K-Road if you want things to get a little spicy. But please remember that Family Bar is NOT a “family” bar. That mistake has been made before. 

Getting Back

If you’re taking the bus, you’ve got to make some logistical manouevres. Once you get to the Albany Station stop, it’s easy to get to the city. BUT the buses from Albany Station to campus stop running after 11pm, which is fucking bullshit if you ask me. If you’re really skint, you can stay in the city till 4am to have a Macca’s breakfast and catch the bus back to campus. This is also where a Tinder hookup is a good idea. If you’ve got the dosh, you can take an Uber/Ola back, but that’s gonna COST you, you rich bitches. $80 to get back to campus? I think I’d rather drop out of uni, thanks. Splitting an Uber back is technically better but, let’s face it, your friends always “forget” to pay you back. 

Arguably the biggest pain in the ass is getting from the Albany Station back to campus. It’s a decent 20 minute walk, at least. A friend mentioned that if someone had a shuttle business between the station and campus late at night they’d “make a killing”. Hell, even if there was a shuttle service in the city between bars and clubs, they would be rich beyond imagination. Ashleigh, a third-year Massey Albany student said that “it’s so hard to get here to the [Albany] Station. Once you’re at Albany Station you can go anywhere. But it’s really hard to get anywhere from the Uni.” Massey, help a gal out, please? 

Ultimately, from my brief and tragic stint with physics, I remember that electricity takes the path of least resistance or something. Well, the same applies to uni students. If there’s an easier way of doing things, we will somehow find it and take that path. Whether it’s travelling all the way to get $3 drinks or staying out till the morning to save on transport. Also, remember to keep close track of who you’re with. You know that saying - keep your friends close and your drunk friends even closer. Auckland is a big place, and if you have a friend that is a drunk runner - you might want to invest in one of those toddler leashes.