Horoscopes (vol 13)

Aries: Okay yes, you’re a lonely bitch, but who said you can’t be a hot one? Put on some tight jeans, show the world what you’ve got.  

Taurus: Energy drinks are fun until they’re not. Know thy limit, four in a day is NOT good. Look after yourself darling xx  

Gemini: Tinder is getting boring, I know, but hang in there. Your next hot date is just around the corner. Let cuffing season commence!  

Cancer: Something just isn’t working. Maybe it’s your shampoo? Or your deodorant? Whatever it is, change it UP. Your friends have been meaning to say something.  

Leo: It’s the first week back of Sem 2, you can afford to skip a couple of classes. In this weather? Almost a necessity.  

Virgo: You should apologise to the people you’ve hurt. Skipping ahead to watch those episodes of that show that you and your friend were SPECIFICALLY watching together is not okay. It actually sickens me.  

Libra: Love the energy, now we just need that x2. Success will come if you smile and give the world a little bit of that ass, and chances are, you’ll end up coming too.  

Scorpio: Hats are not your thing. I’m sorry! They just don’t suit you! Please, stop!  

Sagittarius: You’ll beat a new drinking record. Make sure to prepare now, get the stopwatches and the cameras ready.  

Capricorn: No matter how tempting, do NOT do gear this week. Let’s fucking face it, it’s probably laced. Take it from an old friend, bath salts are not fun. Stick with the weed and have a chill night.  

Aquarius: Just like, make sure you 100% know how to put a condom on. No, 90% won’t do. Really just get that shit down.  

Pisces: Someone loves you! We won’t kiss and tell, but it’s someone VERY close to you (and dw, it’s not your parents lmao).