Editorial 7 - To fuck, or not to fuck?

To fuck, or not to fuck? 

 That is the question… 

Online dating is an absolute hoot. A mass of horny nearbys, and not the fake ones that pop up when we open incognito tabs. For many avid swipers, it can be tricky to decide whether or not to take the plunge with an online stranger, but I’m here to wave a few red flags in your face, to ensure your next hook-up satisfies all your needs.  

PSA: Fuck to your heart’s content.  

The fish:

This is an easy point, one that I shouldn’t have to spell out to each of you. If you see a fish of any capacity in an eligible bachelor’s dating profile, they are no longer eligible. The fish pic is an indicator that this person lacks the self-awareness to provide good sex.  

“Here for a good time, not a long time.” 

Fuck you to anyone who’s had this as their Tinder bio.  

The tall one 

I can shamefully admit I once had my height in my Tinder bio. And I hate myself all the more because of it. I look back at my wayward actions and wonder what spurred me to type in the dreaded numbers. All I can blame it on was my inability to have a real conversation, and hoping attraction would be born through my height. Yikes. 

Shitty jokes 

Thinking of listing your education as something quirky like "graduated from the school of life" or "the school of hard knocks"? Please don't! The consensus is that it's not nearly as funny as you imagine it to be.  

Food personality 

A bio that states a love of tacos, pizza, sushi, or coffee. No shit, who doesn’t love those things, buddy! Let's just chalk this person down to being bland and tasteless.  

The bio "I'm looking for someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously". 

This SCREAMS "I'll make offensive jokes and say 'ugh, chill' when you don't laugh" or "I'm emotionally unavailable". This red flag is also applicable for “good vibes only” and “not looking for any drama”. 

Choosing your flings can be a tricky task, but do yourself a favour and wean out any of the above culprits. You’ll thank me later. ANYWAYS - welcome back to Massive! This week's Sex Issue will be unpacking all things sexy. We’re super proud of this issue so have a read, learn some sex tips, and put it to use baby! 

Kia pai tō rā,  

Mason