Dumpster Diva Diaries

Disclaimer: For legal reasons, this is fictional 

I have always been willing to go to great lengths in pursuit of a story, but never did I think that would lead me to diving into the dumpsters of Wellington.  

With New Zealand’s rising food costs and food wastage, more and more students have taken up the art of dumpster diving.  

According to NewsHub, New Zealand supermarkets toss more than 100,000 tonnes of food per year. The reasons? The food having slight imperfections, near expiry dates, or is simply replaced by newer stock even if it’s still edible.  

So, when I innocently suggested I’d write an article about dumpster diving, I wasn’t expecting to end up knee-deep in food waste on request of my editor (thanks Sammy).  

‘Twas a Monday evening as I set off to my local Woolworths in pursuit of a dumpster. Sporting my matching Lulu Lemon set and pink gloves—I wanted to at least look cute in the dumpster—I set off to find myself a snack.  

Alas! Despite my research on Bizarrehobby.com, which told me Wellington was rated New Zealand’s number one hotspot for dumpster diving, the dumpsters I encountered were padlocked shut.  

Luckily, meatloafmullet123 had posted a list on Reddit of their favourite dumpsters in Wellington, one of which was New World. So, off I scurried! 

As promised, New World had foolishly left their dumpsters unattended and unlocked. Perfect for the Dumpster Diva to begin her dive! 

Within minutes I found bags of bread, apples, courgettes, three boxes of tampons, and a chocolate bar (which I nibbled on for sustenance). After inspecting expiration dates and the food quality, I found no reason why it had all been chucked.   

Because dumpster diving is considered theft in New Zealand (theft from whom? The bin?), my main concern was being caught. However, my plan was to blame the idea on Sammy so we could be bunk buddies in prison <3 

I was close to implementing this plan when a New World worker came out with more trash. My heart was pounding. I wondered whether I’d look good in an orange jumpsuit and awaited the handcuffs. Instead, he simply handed me a trash bag and told me: “There’s a whole cake in this one. It’s unopened, just a day expired.” 

The Dumpster Diva has won over the New World workers… my influence has no bounds.  

Feeling like Wellington’s number one diver, I continued my search for food without fear––ending up in Wellington’s most notorious Night ‘n Day dumpsters.  

Here, I encountered my first group of dumpster divers (none of which were as stylish as me). Wazz (also known as Zeus), my new dumpster diving friend, gave me some hot tips about dumpster diving, helping me collect a bounty of cupcakes, doughnuts, and sandwiches. Initially, I was a bit freaked out by this six-foot-four, tattooed, beer bellied man. However, when I spotted his Repurrrtation shirt with Taylor Swift’s cat Olivia on the front, I knew we’d be best friends. We spoke pleasantly of our favourite Taylor Swift songs, Wellington’s best weed dealers, and if I’d like to sleep with him. After politely declining Wazz’s offer—I didn’t want to ruin our budding friendship—I walked away with a haul of sweet treats and memories. 

So, to dive or not to dive? 

During my time as Dumpster Diva, I was disappointed in the amount of food waste being produced at a time when students are choosing between paying rent and putting food on the table. It’s truly a symbol of inequality and wastefulness. The food I found lasted me a week, during which I didn’t need to buy anything from the supermarket. 

So, I say––dive right in, baby!  

Yours truly, 

Dumpster Diva xoxo