Sexcapades: Freeing the bush was my downfall

My first relationship was when I was in high school, and in hindsight wasn’t really a relationship — for him at least. For me, I was in love. I wrote him notes (which he would throw out), I said “hi” to him in the hallway at school (which he ignored), and I told all my friends about him (which he never did).  

What he did do, however, was give great head. That dude used to eat the shit out of me, and god DAMN was it good. Despite never speaking to me in public, he would always sneak over at night. I’m still not sure if he actually liked me or simply just couldn’t resist the sweet taste of my girl down below. At this point, I didn’t care. He could make me finish EVERY TIME. You try to find yourself a man who can do that.  

A few months in of him sneaking into my bedroom to eat me out, he got braces. I had no issues with this. We are all teenagers at some point, and a good chunk of us have shitty ass teeth. Just as I had no issue with the braces, he had no issues with my vagina having a full bush. I liked a full bush. It kept me warm.  

The day after he got his braces on, he came over to mine as per usual. He ate me out, I came, and just as he was pulling away — PAIN exploded down below.  

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” I screamed. He looked up at me helplessly, and I realised he had a mouth full of my pubes stuck in his brand-new braces. Now listen, we TRIED to sort the situation out by ourselves. But it fucking hurt, and we couldn’t move at the same time without ripping the entire forest off my vag. So, I did what any girl does in this situation and called my mum.  

After my mum pushed some scissors through the crack under my bedroom door, we cut ourselves free. My boyfriend promptly left, and my mum had a discussion with me about safe sex.  

I shaved my vagina for the first time ever. I still wanted to get good head after all. This was all in vain however, because the next day I received a text from my boyfriend in second period Maths: “Hey, can’t come over anymore sorry. My parents are pissed because I broke my braces last night. Good luck with everything.”