Track Superstar: A Tail of Chases

Illustrated by Annick Harvey (she/her)

I’d say it’s an instinct to run when you’re being chased, right? Well, I should be a track superstar. You know, fight or flight response. Now, before you judge me, I’m just saying I’m not about to fight a flock of turkeys chasing me down. I’m not sure what vibe, or pheromone I’m putting out there but I've been followed by an alarmingly disproportionate number of creatures. Mammals, insects, and aquatic wildlife alike. Perhaps I’m something of a Dr. Dolittle if he was a track superstar. A bit of context; I love animals, I do. I say that with hope that they like me too. I just don’t like to run. Why do they chase you when you run? I’m just saying if they get too close, I’ll zoom and naturally, this turns into a chase. What a fun traumatic little game. 

So, I’ve decided to relive some of my trauma for your entertainment, you’re very welcome. Here are some of the altercations I have had with wildlife, some are comical, some scary, some just plain peculiar. Let’s dive in.  

Now this is probably the second scariest things to happen to me yet, and I’ve been black-Friday shopping. Bargain shoppers = terrifying. My vet growing up was at this kind of farm. They had cute little donkeys, pigs, and sheep. This one time they had three turkeys. Now, I feel bad that so many of these birds are eaten each year. This is horrible but when they run at you, I can almost see why. The sound will haunt me forever. So, I spotted them coming out of the vet. They locked on to me. It was a standoff, and I made the first move. I walked past them; three sets of beady eyes watched me. They didn’t move, I thought I was safe, it was a straight shot back to the car, not too far. I was wrong. Oh, how I was wrong. The three big birds crept up behind me, how I’m not sure. I turned back and they took off, so did I. It was a sprint, and they were gaining on me. I’m still unsure what they would have done if they got me. I wasn’t about to test that theory. My heart was beating in my mouth when I finally scrambled into my car. I thought I was safe. I was once again wrong. The three feathery dinosaurs circled the car, gobble gobble. I thought it was the end. What a way to go. 

On a similar note, a pride of peacocks appeared at this farm I was staying on. All was well, I had never seen a peacock in real life and despite the fear that soon followed, they were majestic. I thought I was at a safe distance. Wrong. They also took off in my direction so naturally I ran. This time I didn’t look back.  

Continuing the bird theme, you have the basic, ducks, seagulls, and geese (frightening.) Food-orientated sky rats are understandable – still terrifying. Hawks I love, but from a distance. They flew above the car growing up and I had been at peace with that. Fascinating and strong birds of prey. It’s all good until they start swooping at you. I discovered the distance of admiration was behind the shield of my house.  

Tūī as well. Famously territorial birds, they nested in the trees up the section in my childhood backyard. A real party pooper when they start flapping at you. Their songs were less melodic to me after that. Rather a war cry now, getting the dogs inside was stressful, you have no idea. Between the hawks, ducks, and the Tūī, it was a warzone. 

On a funnier note, only because it didn’t happen to me but my own mother. If you’ve ever been to Southeast Queensland, you’ve probably witnessed a magpie attack. Well, my mum never knew, and she was chased down the street. I guess it runs in the family (pun intended). 

Concluding my feathery friends, I’ll end with chickens. Now usually I’m no chicken but this one was crazy. Bleach blonde feathers flying everywhere, sprinting like a formular one car. Absolutely zooming. Her little legs were clawing the gravel, drifting round corners to close the gap between us. Horrifying. 

Now, I know this is the animal issue, but I have some horrible mentions of the insect variety. I went through a period where the chases were less bird-related and buggier. I had been followed by spiders. They would pop up everywhere, I had a case of apophenia (simply seeing coincidences). The eight-legged fellows who ran up my arms didn’t do well for my arachnophobia. I digress, there was this cute little bumblebee that would chase me at the fruit stall I worked at. Adorable in theory, but this little guy would come out of nowhere. Every day, multiple times a day. It was like it was waiting for me. Regardless, I do miss that little bee.  

A kangaroo hopped after me at the zoo once. To be fair I was young, so it felt like a chase. To this day I haven’t been able to go into the Australian section at the Wellington Zoo without looking over my shoulder.  

Here we’ll get a bit exotic. Jellyfish. Squishy, but we know what happened in Finding Nemo. This jelly came out of nowhere and they’re surprisingly fast.  

Keeping it aquatic, I’ve saved my top scariest chase for last. I was swimming and this massive fish that will haunt my dreams started to swim after me. Now, I was on the swim team, but all that training didn’t pay off. I freaked out. For context, this fish had a beak and is aptly named a parrot fish. I hate them. I know I said I love animals, but this specific fish was that of nightmares. All I can say is it was out for blood; I don’t know how I survived.  

Another quick honourable mention before I run. Goats. Baby goats– adorable little kids. However, square eyes? Frightening. Why do I feel as though they stare right though me?  

All things aside, our animal friends are wildly cool, and I respect that. I suppose they’re just making sure I get my cardio in, and I can appreciate that. A reminder: keep an eye out and if you see me running you should too, I can’t say what will follow me next. What fun.