A comprehensive guide to crushing it at karaoke
Irregardless to if you’re good or not, belting out a classic tune at the top of your lungs provides an unmatched joy. We as New Zealanders love to sing. And when I say New Zealanders, I mean our Māori, Pasifika and Asian communities. We sing to make a point, to support each other, to tell stories. We sing to our gods, we sing when we’re sad, and we sing just because we like the sound of our own voices.
I think that’s why we love karaoke so much – it’s already ingrained in us that singing has many functions other than “performance”. For everyone else, karaoke is just a good time, right?
Since Aotearoa adopted karaoke from Japan in the early 80’s, the activity has become the ideal accompaniment to a night out on the piss. To make your karaoke night a successful hit, here is a fool-proof list of karaoke do’s and don'ts.
Do:
Actually try. If you’re feeling it, by all means give it your all. Throw shapes, pose, make a scene, we love to see it all. I’ve seen people moved to tears by their own interpretive dance performances. Let those demons out, It’s your time.
Know your range and stay in it. You don’t have to be a talented singer for your performance to be enjoyable for listeners, but high-pitched screeching is no one’s idea of a good time.
Make sure you know the whole song, not just the chorus. I’m not saying you need to know every single word, that’s a tad unachievable. But, I beg you at least know the melody, or rhythm of the verses.
Don't:
Try to be cool. There is no such thing as a “cool” karaoke Performance. You look like a twat, and all energy is sucked out the room. If karaoke doesn’t spark joy, let others perform.
Steal the show. DONT pick up the second microphone on someone else’s song unless invited. This has happened to me before, and it was heartbreaking. It’s also why I needed to get some do’s and don’ts off my chest (also because this is the music edition, lol). To all the main-character, art school girls that keep trying to steal people’s time in the spotlight – show yourself the exit.
Sing the n-word if you are not Black. Jimmy, no. There is no rule that you have to sing every word on screen. If you’re as pale as white sliced bread and are requesting Kanye West’s ‘Gold Digger’ to be played specifically so you can say the n-word 100 times, it's time to take a good hard look in the mirror.
Now that you’ve taken notes, you're destined to be a karaoke pro! But, before you head off to K-Zone please take into consideration what songs you will sing. Tell me to go punch myself in the face by all means, but as a veteran of karaoke, these are some of the most common mood killers I’ve witnessed in my karaoke lifetime.
Any form of rap (unless you actually know the verses), Hotel California (long awkward instrumental), Rolling in the Deep (you can't sing like Adele, don't try) Bohemian Rhapsody and Don't Stop Believing (gives basic vibes).
Go kill it kings,
Mason