Foodie Doobies: A dope culinary experiment

I am really bad at rolling joints. 

Many people have tried to teach me, but I usually end up accidentally swallowing a lot of weed in the process.  

But as I approach the last of my golden uni days, it is time for me to perfect the roll.   

I am not going to waste any good* stuff on improving my skills because  

1. It's expensive   

2. Finding a good dealer is hard and I don't want to download discord again.  

3. My Dad told me not to do too much stupid shit for student media.  

So, I’m rolling up my favorite rollable foods.  

I take a stroll on Cuba street to a super underground, swanky anonymous vape store by the bucket fountain to grab my supplies. I review the papers for length, durability, and taste. My pondering catches the attention of the cashier who asks what kind of paper I was looking for. “Something to put sushi in,” I say.  

Cheese roll w/ Elements Green Connoisseur K/s 

Southland Cheese rolls are quite possibly my favorite culinary delight. There's something about piping hot cheese married with Maggi onion soup mix slathered into white golden bread.  

But today I had pre-grated cheese, the co-lab microwave and a dream.  

The key to a good cheese roll J is cheese to bread ratio. You need to flatten the bread, with a rolling pin (or in my case a cucumber) and a good heap of cheese. I used two papers to wrap my creation, which I recommend as the weight of the bread needs to be supported.  

Cheese rolls are best with some sort of dip, so I make a glaze with T sauce and mustard. This was a successful roll and perfect for Southlanders wanting a taste of home. 

Sausage roll w/ Raw Organic Hemp Rolls 5m Length  

Do you remember Eminem and Snoop Dogg smoking a massive doobie at the 2022 VMAs? That is my vision.  

After two attempts, I’ve grown frustrated.  

My dream sausage was not coming into fruition as the weight of the microwaved meat was not staying erect within the 6-inch paper. 

Upon reflection, a skinnier wiener and more durable protection would make for a satisfying J.  

Strawberry Jam Swiss Roll w/ Juicy Jones Strawberry Papers 11/4 

I channel my inner Strawberry Shortcake for a berry delight. I flatten the bread and put a generous blob of jam in the yummiest paper you can buy.  

The paper tastes like the strawberry Smiggle gel pen in the best way.  

The paper cuddled the sticky white bread, the artificial strawberry sang with tartness, and the jam which oozed out in the best way possible.  

Perfect for a sweet treat after dinner or over morning tea with Nan. 

Sushi w/ Cyclone Hemp flavored 2fer - Red Alert  

The sushi bogie is perfect for my foodies that are seeking a bit more culture in their sesh.  

The sticky rice and thinly sliced cucumbers and thick hemp required the skills of a professional.  

Operating in total zen, I sprinkled the rice from muscle memory and lay the vegetables on the thick paper.  

Without breaking a sweat, I rolled my visually strongest doobies and sushi that looked almost edible.  

_______________________________ 

I left the studio with jam up my arms, rice in my hair and a microwaved sausage smell that I cannot shake. Being a joint rolling master and chef, de cuisine is not easy but a feat I feel I accomplished. 

So why not make a Vietnamese spring roll with Jj’s Birthday Cake K-s Papers or a fruit filled roll up with Juicy Jones Grape Paper 11/4. The world is your ganga.