You probably aren’t being gaslit.

(See what I did there?)

We’ve all heard of it, or even used it, but the term ‘gaslighting’ has taken the online world by storm. And while it’s entertaining to throw it out there, it’s important we give the flame some air to breathe or else we might burn away its real meaning.

To better understand the term, it’s always good to wind back to its origins. The term "gaslighting" comes from a 1938 play called Gas Light. In the play, the protagonist's husband intentionally manipulates her to believe she can no longer trust her own perception of reality. The tactic he uses to develop this confusion is turning down the gas-powered lights in their home so they flicker throughout the house. When she asks him why the lights are flickering, he denies they're flickering at all, suggesting it's all happening inside her head.

Messed up, right? Gaslighting was thrust into the recent spotlight during Donald Trump’s 2017 election race. The former president had a tendency to say a statement, and then, at some later date, confidently declare, “I did not say that. In fact, I would never dream of saying that.” By ignoring reality and perpetuating his own narrative— despite facts proving otherwise—he sought to gaslight Americans into accepting his false reality as the only reality.

Now, in 2022, gaslighting has become the go-to terminology for anyone dealing with anything inconvenient within relationships, friendships or at mahi. If someone tells you that you’re wrong, you’re being gaslighted. If someone doesn’t agree with you, they’re gaslighting you.

Misusing the word gaslight can shut down otherwise productive conversations. Gaslighting is often used in an accusatory way when somebody may just be insistent on something, or somebody may be trying to influence you.

That's not what gaslighting is.

Gaslighting is a serious form of psychological manipulation, and most people being gaslit don’t even realise it’s happening. Gaslighting can include a range of tactics including lying, distracting, minimising, denying, and blaming.

We’ve seen other terms go down this slippery slope of misuse. For instance, calling your ex a psycho for breaking up with you and telling their friends of all the shitty things you did isn’t inherently psychotic. This incorrect use can lead to the downplaying of people's actual lived experiences, and these words almost evolve into slang.

The words we choose in conversations regarding people’s wellbeing are especially important. Every time the word ‘gaslight’ is used correctly, then, its definition continues to be protected, which allows victims of this particular abuse to continue using the word and seek help.

So next time you get shit on in an argument, take a second to think whether you’ve been gaslit, or just outsmarted babes x

Cheers,

Mason