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It’s not unusual for women to watch pornography. But it is unusual for women to talk about pornography openly and freely without feeling ever so slightly judged. The female brain responds to erotic images in the exact same way that the male brain does. We get the same excitement as men do when watching porn, and share the same interest in sex and sexual gratification as men. Women are just less inclined to watched pornography due to the stigma attached to it.
In attempt to back up this statement, I set up an interview with three different women of different ages and sexualities, and put it to them to talk about their experiences with pornography.
(Disclaimer: all names have been changed)
Phoebe, 23, bisexual
Do you remember when you first started watching pornography, and why?
Well, I’m not sure if this counts as pornography but I remember when I was like 12 or 13, my friend and I would go on Omegle. We even went on it at school and tried to talk to older guys, mostly just for a laugh and a bit of fun, but I think there was a part of us that wanted to see them naked. That was probably around the time I started getting interested in watching that sort of stuff, and on Omegle most of the men realised that we were only like 13 and only wanting a laugh and disconnected from the webcam, but there were a few times we saw more than we probably should have. From there, I think it just kind of progressed. Porn was just like the next step, and you didn’t have to talk to the person on the screen like on Omegle which was a bonus.
Have you ever felt like there is a social stigma around girls watching porn?
I’ve never really experienced any negativity for watching porn, but then again it’s not something I usually talk about. Perhaps if I did talk about it more, then I’d notice a stigma. My ex and I used to watch it together, so that was all good, and then I guess the only other people I may have talked to about it are my female friends who also watch it. Maybe that’s just because I don’t talk about enough though, I dunno.
Do you have a specific porn that you usually watch, or do you change it up each time?
Depends what mood I’m in really, but lesbian porn is usually my go to. Then you get those thumbnails that come up on the home page and on the side of Pornhub videos so sometimes I end up just clicking on one of those if it sounds interesting. I don’t have a favourite specific video though.
How often would you say you watch porn?
It changes depending on how busy my life is and what I’m doing. I don’t really have a specific count. Some weeks it’s 0, others it can be like 8 – 10 times, maybe more.
Do you think if women watching porn was more normalised, and there was more female friendly porn, you’d watch it more?
I’d definitely be more inclined to talk about it with people, and be more open about it! I’m quite reserved when it comes to talking about sex and sexuality unless it’s with someone I am close to, so normalising it would definitely give me a boost of self confidence!
Monica, 27, bisexual
Do you remember when you first started watching pornography, and why?
I never really liked porn, still don’t to be honest, but I’ve become more open to it. My boyfriend watches it quite a bit which is probably why I sometimes do, and I’m okay with him watching it but I always make sure it’s not the type that is degrading to women. I think that’s what I hate the most about it, or why I don’t watch it so much.
Have you ever felt like there is a social stigma around girls watching porn?
Yeah totally, women are far more likely to be judged for watching porn than males, but I feel like the problem is more in the expectations and pressure that porn puts on women. We are expected to look like a pornstar or perform like one when it’s totally fake, and it makes men look far more macho than they really are, so I guess for them it makes them feel more alpha or more dominant, whereas for women, we get put down.
Do you have a specific porn that you usually watch, or do you change it up each time?
I like Erica Lust’s videos, as they aren’t at all degrading towards women and are very female friendly. Or else anything on a site like ‘Lady Cheeky’ is good. Anything that doesn’t put females in such a degrading light is good for me.
How often would you say you watch porn?
Not often. Only really when my partner does, and probably not even then. Perhaps a couple times a month at a push?
Do you think if women watching porn was more normalised, and there was more female friendly porn, you’d watch it more?
Definitely.
Rachel, 19, straight
Do you remember when you first started watching pornography, and why?
Honestly, I don’t really. But I don’t feel like it was that long ago either. I think I just one day got curious. I watched Fifty Shades of Gray when I was like 15 though (and thoroughly enjoyed it), but I don’t know that really counts.
Have you ever felt like there is a social stigma around girls watching porn?
Oh my god, yes! I actually got labelled a slut once because someone in town overheard my friends and I talking about our favourite porn stars. It wasn’t even someone we knew who called me that, just some random guy.
Do you have a specific porn that you usually watch, or do you change it up each time?
Honestly, nothing specific. It's always guy on girl, but never the same video. I like the ones with more of a storyline though, more fantasy and dialogue rather than just cutting to the chase. I feel like the good parts are all in the build up.
How often would you say you watch porn?
Maybe twice a week, maybe more. Twice a week is probably an average.
Do you think if women watching porn was more normalised, and there was more female friendly porn, you’d watch it more?
Yes! Probably! I mean take a look at guys. It’s normal for them to watch porn and they watch more of it than us. I definitely think I’d embrace it more, and also feel less embarrassed about watching it with someone else. Right now it’s only really a thing I do on my own.
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If I was cooler and had more friends to interview, then there would probably be a more conclusive answer as to how the stigma surrounding women watching pornography affects our daily habits and mindset. What we can see from the interviews though is that each of these women have experienced a side effect due to pornography; be it lowered self confidence, feeling degraded or experiencing degrading remarks.
It makes me proud to live in a world that is slowly waking up to the problem of inequality and discrimination that exists within our society, but still we have a long way to go. Speaking out and challenging gender stereotypes is just one step we can take to close the divide between genders and give everyone the confidence to embrace their sexuality.