Where the fuck is everyone?

University is meant to be a vibrant hub. Students bustling to get to their next classes, others filling the halls gossiping about how shit their lecturer is. But, while making our way through the Wellington campus in search of fashionable students, Massive found a shocking discovery. Campus is a ghost town.

“What the fuck people? Where you at? I just accidentally walked into some random atrium in Tokomaru with tiles and a roof straight out of Mamma Mia! and no one was even there. It was so quiet I reckon I could bring a mattress in and call it home," says one Massive staffer.

Massive Editor and 22-year-old boomer, Mason Tangatatai, found the discovery disheartening. “I remember the good ol’ days of ‘20, Tussock was packed to the brim; you couldn’t get the famous hot chips unless you lined up at 9am. Nowadays I wouldn’t touch those chips with a ten-foot pole. It brings a tear to my eye.”

But for real, y’all, it’s time to pick up your game and get back to campus. With no keycard restrictions and less online classes, we have the ability to resurrect Massey from its Covid-19 slump.

We urge you all to get out there and explore your local campus. In Wellington, Tokomaru (or the War Museum) is filled with beautiful architecture, a perfect place to calm your thoughts and get into a study zone. In Palmy, I’ve heard rumours about a secret tunnel system that runs beneath the entire campus. Get chatting to the groundskeepers and they might let you take a look. For Albany, well, I don’t have many recommendations for you. Go climb the golden chicken wing.