Ramming w/ Fergus: Bondage

Q. Hey Fergus, my girlfriend likes bondage but I've never done it. Any advice? 

A. You’re in the right place. I might never want to be tied down by a relationship but sign me the fuck up for bondage. Tying someone up or being tied down yourself — let me show you the ropes. 

First off, you gotta know that bondage is meant to be the perfect amount of rough. Seriously. Some sheep once tied me up but she got too excited. She cut off the circulation to my dick and I thought for sure it would have to be amputated. Can you imagine the horror? So yeah, make sure they know what the fuck they’re doing and they aren’t the equivalent of a tradie apprentice who just messed up the plumbing. I’d be happy to come join you and your girlfriend and blow your more than just your minds (no homo though).  

If you were a hot boyscout back in the day like me, I’d use this to your advantage. Take that knot tying class into the bedroom. If you wanna get her really wet, put on your old boyscouts uniform too. Your balls might hang out of the tiny shorts, and your pecks might bust through the shirt – but that's for the best. It will really help you get into the knot-tying character.  

Honestly, you humans had the right idea with the bucking bronco – rope me up, ride me hard, and you’ll find out exactly why everyone is chomping at the bit to have a go at me. And hey, instead of leaving you in suspense, I’m gonna tell you to try suspension as well. Find something strong enough to hold you or your girlfriend up, and soon enough you’ll be fucking like rabbits. There’s a reason why people who get tied up and turned on are called rope bunnies.