Paddock Party Paradise
Paddock Party Checklist
Goon bag/Vodka Cruisers/Scrumby
Glassons crop top and mini denim skirt (no jacket required)
Gumboots (can substitute for white sneakers you have a death wish for)
Big fuck off paddock (and a tin shed if we’re being fancy)
As a teenager, you are often forced to find unconventional places to party. For those of us who grew up out of the city, farms were our haven. Who needs a house for a party when you can just use a big fuck off paddock. I’ve heard also of the abandoned bunker party, beach party, abandoned hospital party, lake party, abandoned swimming pool party – basically just anywhere abandoned seems to be a great spot.
But as adults, we’re free to party in our own homes. We don’t have to hide.
This should be a good thing, but it also means that we’ve lost the camaraderie that comes with drinking in a nonconformist place. It’s all too easy.
We’ve lost the way we got to connect with nature. I don’t know what it is about farm parties, but people tend to get more frisky than usual. Perhaps, it’s something about the environment and returning to our animalistic roots. I guess fucking around behind a big shed provides the utmost privacy.
Now that I live in the city, a farm party feels out of reach. Even for Palmerston North folk, it seems that flat parties are more the norm. I’m disappointed in P-naughty.
There are so many advantages to a paddock party. There’s no stained carpet because the vomit just mixes with the mud. You don’t need a toilet (breaking the seal isn’t so scary when you can just pop a squat whenever). It’s easy to spend the night as you can pitch a tent wherever. And there’s no noise complaints because, well, there’s no one around!
I propose that unconventional party locations need to make a comeback.
And I am appointing this job to the students of Massey University Palmerston North. You guys can put on a good party, but I believe that you can put on an even better paddock party.
So, lock the cows and sheep away, hide the Ketamine from the Vet students, invite Fergus the Ram, pull your gumboots on and let your freak out on the farm.
