The Land of the Long White Cloud

In 2011 the New Zealand government decided on a major goal; to make the country and its people smoke free by the year of 2025. Since this goal was first announced, New Zealanders who smoke have only really seen one thing on the surface level to stop them from smoking - price increases. 

This price increase happens annually, fittingly on New Year’s Day. In the lead up to New Year’s the majority of smokers say they will kick the habit - come 3am they are still smoking, assuring everyone around them that come morning they will stop. This may be the case for some, but most continue to purchase cigarettes, despite the increase in prices. Others turn to more modern alternatives such as vaping, or the modern phenomenon known as social smoking. 

I believe that the New Zealand government’s smoke free goal is mere wishful thinking hence the reason I am writing this today. I am going to review the world of all things that contain one of the world's most popular drugs, nicotine. 

I feel as if I am rather experienced in this world, although my first experience with tobacco was mixed with weed. This is how I moved into being a full time smoker, as I would buy cigarettes to accompany my pipes and joints, at the age of 14. It was a long segue into smoking full-time but by the age of 16 I was smoking at least a pack a week and more if I was drinking on the weekends. 

This continued into my later years and at 24 I am still a pretty social smoker, mainly whilst drinking or stressed. I have also adapted the same method as most 24 year old would-be quitters who cannot afford the mounting pressure of spending $30+ a day on 20 cigarettes, and bought a vape. 

Firstly, I’ll review some cigarettes. I was lucky enough to start smoking at a young age, a pack of the good stuff - ‘Lucky Strikes’, with the slogan ‘It’s Toasted’ were only $13, who can complain about that? I remember cheating the dairy owner into letting me use my snapper bus card to buy them, naughty I know! Lucky Strikes are now a thing of the past, but I still remember their inherent toasted taste like yesterday. Since they were my first love, I will rate them a solid 8/10, they only lose two points as they probably contributed to shortening my A-class life. 

You can’t talk about cigarettes without mentioning the one brand that has always had a hegemonic rule over others, you could almost call them the designer brand of the nicotine industry. You guessed it, Marlboro. The red and white delight. Marlboro is not just a tobacco brand, it is an institution, a fashion house and so much more.

When Emporium on Cuba Street was in its peak, it was decked from head to toe with Marlboro merch and every hipster from Wellington central to the Bluff was sporting a cap and smoking one of their packs. 

When regarding all of Marlboro’s endeavours and their genius marketing over the many years I’ll rate them pretty highly. That’s a 9/10 as the tobacco industry is inherently fucked and so is any company that works within it. 

Now, let's talk about my favourite brand of cigarettes. Rothmans. Rothmans have always had my back since the move from Marlboro in late 2015, the price point was just too good to pass up on. I remember the day of soft packs before the country made the change to plain packaging. 

I shifted from destroying my lungs with reds to blues after I got a cold and still wanted to smash a pack a day and I haven’t looked back since. The company, as mentioned before, retains a pretty reasonable price point when other brands go up, and they usually make a new alternative to their more expensive pack which just keeps me smoking them.

I’ll give Rothmans a solid 7/10 as sometimes they taste like shit but they do the job considering the price point. I’m still searching for some merch though, which seems like a pretty elusive thing these days!

Don’t worry, yes I started smoking again but your boy still knows a thing or two about the vape nation! 

My first real experience with vaping was while I was working at the infamous Club 121. 

Multiple companies sent the club products for promotion purposes, we all got a few free ones and proceeded to vape on the bar throughout the night. 

The first company was HAIZ, they were sufficient enough but the pods often burnt out quickly. This meant you would be spending an arm and a leg on pods every weekend. I’ll give my first experience a rating of 6/10 as I quickly learnt that there were better brands out there. 

The next brand that made an appearance in my life was also at the club. VYPE came in hot with their rather horrifically sized vapes that came with an array of weird flavours set to piss you off when they leaked into your mouth. 

We tangoed together for a short period and I ended up giving seven of them away to others of the vape nation. VYPE had a weird presence and marketing strategy towards suits that frequented Lambton Quay more than anywhere else, so they receive a mere 3/10 for their products.

I finally found solace in the beautiful little square vape device which is Caliburn. Caliburn comes in two different shapes, either a long rectangle, or a little square. I have always opted for the little square, as it is easier to conceal and smoke in a club. If you want one, you can easily pick one up from most VAPO stores, or Cosmic also sells them at $50 a pop. 

The pods cost $30 for four and last for more than a week, which makes them a lot more economical than conventional smoking. For creating such a popular vape, I'll have to give Caliburn a solid 8/10, as sometimes the pods burn out quickly. 

I’ll give you a couple more tips since I’ll probably never give up the world of nicotine and all things bad for your body. If you buy a vape from a dairy, you are missing out on a whole other world of quality. If you buy a vape from a store and the pods taste like shit, go back and ask for some new ones, they will usually understand and give you them for free. 

Also, it is personal preference but take it easy on your nicotine content, you can start off small and build up if you need to. Enjoy it, but don’t over do it. As my mother always says, “You can’t burn the candle at both ends.”