Swap it Like It’s Hot (vol 1)

Skincare edition  

Two people swap routines for a week. Will it work? Who the fuck knows! 

Kronk:  

My routine for the week –  

Skin by Ecostore NZ Marine Bioactives, purifying cleanser  

The Ordinary Squalane, face oil  

The Ordinary Niacinamide + Zinc, blemish formula  

The Ordinary Buffet peptide formula, face serum 

Skin by Ecostore NZ Marine Bioactives, light moisturiser  

Lip balm  

Yes, I’ll admit, waking up in the morning and seeing glowing, pimple free skin was a great feeling, BUT… How does one keep track of the near endless bottles, tinctures and lotions? Of the 8 or more tiny vials presented to me for facial application, I could not discern between most, even if my life depended on it. The only one of them I could vaguely recognise was moisturiser. And even that’s a stretch. I have to say, watching the blackheads slowly dissipate from my skin with 10 minutes of rubbing and some potion I can’t pronounce was incredible satisfying. But the endless repetition of “hey babe, can you get me that bottle? No, not that one, the small white one.... No, the OTHER small white one... NO!” (etc etc) is a ritual I shan’t be missing. After all, how hard is it to find tap-water, a rag and some good ol’ fashion scrubbing? I have spent many years creating a delicate routine the perfect balance between minimal energy and minimal time and I won’t have it compromised by 6-10 $80 bottles, which you can only use 1 drop at a time. Once the week finally came to a close, I felt the familiar sweet, sweet relief of unnecessary exfoliation and bare minimum energy.  

I will miss: Feeling, for once, that I don’t want to tear off my own skin 

I won’t miss: The 20 minutes of application. Not popping pimples. The EFFORT (and expense) that comes with applying droplets of these tiny tinctures  

Overall: 5/10, Oiling your face is an enjoyable sensation, but I’m far too lazy to do it long-term  

Yzma:  

My routine for the week -  

Pure Welly tap water  

Face cloth  

Lip Balm 

My routine is my pride and joy, so this hurt my soul, and my face. My partner has watched me over the years lather myself up, and drip in potions, lotions and balms. I knew we had to try a swap, sooner or later; and I managed to convince them to spend a lil extra time on their skin. They usually do fuck all except for a (maybe) twice a day face rinse. Nothing else, no sunscreen, moisturiser, or even a lil oil pulling to calm me down at the end of a long day. 

Cutting back on my morning and night routine saved me a solid 20 minutes each time, but did I spend that precious minutes more wisely? Nah, but it gave me a reason to sleep in longer. I would stumble into the bathroom 5 minutes before I needed to be somewhere and in like 30 seconds, I was ready. I did feel the need to tell people. “Oh, I don’t usually look like this, it’s for an article!!” Whatta joke that I felt the need to tell people I wasn’t doing the bare minimum on purpose. I was hoping they would validate me with a “good for you” or “you look great!” but uh they just gave me pitiful looks. Using the raggedy face cloth covered in lint was the only time I actually felt halfway good. I have discovered that scrubbing is cathartic. I scrubbed at every pore in my face, stopping only when inflamed pink was an even colour everywhere. As I reached the end of the week, I had no major epiphanies, just that I like the ritual of skincare, and I’m willing to spend BANK on it.   

I will miss: Having absolutely nothing on my skin. It was kinda liberating in a weird way to feel so detached from my face.   

I won’t miss: The irreparable damage I’ve probably done.  

Overall: 2/10, I can’t wait to smear all those goos all over my face again.