Solicited Advice

Solicited advice is a weekly column where an underqualified anonymous guru answers the questions you want answered. This won’t include the stock-standard, sugar-coated advice you’re used to hearing – we’re talking about the truths that are REALLY on your mind. 

Do you have a question you’re dying to have answered? DM Massive Magazine on Instagram and look out for next week's issue. Also, follow us while you’re at it x 
 

How is Sam Uffindell such an ass?

He's a stupid bully who's never had to face the consequences of his actions. Also, the Kings' College attendance says it all really. I think the key here is that he only apologised for his wrong doing for his own gain, not because of a guilty conscience - and that's fugly behaviour.

Also, to run on an anti-gang platform, and engage in gang behaviour, that's somehow not gang behaviour because you're white and rich is RANK.

How do I tell my flatmate their food kind of sucks?

Tell them that your other flatmate feels way too bad to say anything, but thinks your food sucks. Or, take it up a notch and fabricate an entire story framing your other flatmate e.g, James really hates your food and has actually been really unwell - to a point of near hospitalisation - because of it. Voila! Or just have a flat meeting to plan out flat dinners under the guise of budgeting.

How do I stop being so sexy?

I know this is anonymous, but I do actually know who asked this. And unfortunately, I am afraid there's simply no solution in your case. In such a predicament, there is but a single option - forge on. When the sharpest words wanna cut me down. Gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out. I am brave, I am bruised. I am who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out cause here I come. And I'm marching on to the beat I drum. I'm not scared to be seen. I make no apologies, this is me...This is me. Hope this helps.