Solicited Advice

Solicited advice is a weekly column where an underqualified anonymous guru answers the questions you want answered. This won’t include the stock-standard, sugar-coated advice you’re used to hearing – we’re talking about the truths that are REALLY on your mind. 

Do you have a question you’re dying to have answered? DM Massive Magazine on Instagram and look out for next week's issue. Also, follow us while you’re at it x 
 

What's the best way to quit my job?  

Google ‘resignation letter template’ and just go from there. However, I did once iconically quit a job by sending in the following, which might make for a good template:  

Good morning, I'm afraid to announce that I have skrrd my last skrr for *company*. I've been offered a job doing *something that I actually got paid well for and didn't get threatened to be killed*. I'll probably get fired though and come crawling back. *company* 4L tho and fuck Uber Eats xx 

How to gaslight?  

Lie and deny, baby. Lie and deny. Gaslighting by definition is making someone question their reality. So, lie about your recollections of events and instead frame them to favour your agenda, and deny any wrongdoings on your part. But please loyal worshipers, use your gaslighting for good. Gaslight people into thinking their pretty, funny and clever, when they are in fact ugly, lame and stupid. 

That being said, maybe if you think everyone is gaslighting you, then you need to look at the common denominator (you)... and maybe you are crazy xx.  

How many times should I forgive someone?  

I'm a sucker for an apology, so I'm going to say infinite. That being said, forgiving someone and letting that person go back to the position they used to hold in your life are two different things. I forgive people for me, not them. For me, holding on to that energy isn't healthy… and, as I'm sure you've come to realise, forgiveness is very ego fueling. Nothing says you're literally the kindest person in the world like being forgiving.