Solicited Advice
Solicited advice is a weekly column where an underqualified anonymous guru answers the questions you want answered. This won’t include the stock-standard, sugar-coated advice you’re used to hearing – we’re talking about the truths that are REALLY on your mind.
Do you have a question you’re dying to have answered? DM Massive Magazine on Instagram and look out for next week's issue. Also, follow us while you’re at it x
How to be a good flatmate?
To be a good flat mate you need to simply not care. Your flat mate tips your food out of a pan into a tupperware while you’re cooking because they need the pan - simply don’t care. Flat mate wakes you up at the crack of dawn when they come home from town in an MD infused rage - simply don’t care. Flat mate spontaneously moves out because their “crip” boyfriend is staying over every night - simply don’t care. This is your origin story. Conduct yourself like you are a god and after all God is (allegedly) kind and forgiving. As I’m sure you can imagine, I’ve been a mean, petty flat mate and it’s not worth the hype. Instead, dunk on people by just being inexplicably nice - it will make for good memoir content and you get to know that you’re better than everyone else.
How to stay motivated?
Imagine how you don’t want to be and then strive to be the opposite. Not wanting something can be a more powerful emotion than wanting it. And of course, be motivated by your superiority complex. I’m motivated by not wanting to be a stupid, lazy, slobby idiot… so I’m not x
How to call my parents out for being racist?
Just do it. You shouldn’t need a pep talk on how to call out racism - you hearing racist things being said by your parents will never compare to being subject to racism. In terms of practical techniques: play into their insecurities. Tell them that no one will buy from their business and they won’t ever get a promotion if they’re racist. Tell them that they don’t have friends because people think they’re racist. Tell them that they look lazy for not educating themselves. Tell them they look stupid and embarassing. Find a vulnerability and bloody pick away at that racist scab.