Sexcapades - Floor bananas?
“Hey”
“Hey”
“How you doing”
“Great you?”
“*[Dick Pic]* Horny”
Scrolling through another dull dick collection on grindr. Every conversation is the same. Hey, dick, hey, dick, hey… But then you get – hey - some good chat - do you want to get a drink? Why the fuck not, sounds better than staring at my readings.
A couple of days of snapchats later, I got dolled up. Full denim and barbie pink. We meet up at his work so he’s looking corporate, but we head off to Eva Beva.
Peering over his vodka soda, he declares “you should know I’m just a typical dunners breather and pretty homophobic.” Sorry sir you are on a date with a man are you okay. “Like obviously I’m definitely gay but I just feel like a straight boy, ya know?” Absolutely don’t but sure hun. “Shots?” Sure, if it makes this night end. All I’m seeing is red flags but I got needs.
20 minutes later we are back at his place – he’s got his box of watermelon pals and full manspreading on his deck. We sat out there for a bit as he showed me his red flag collection. I panic text my friends group chat but he calls me out for being on my phone, so I missed their call.
The night keeps going and I keep trying to sound as douchey, uninterested and boring as I can so he never messages me again. But gays will be gays so we go to his room to “get away from his flat mates.”
As we go in, he turns around with an embarrassed look, and apologizes “Oh sorry my floor bananas have gone brown, I’m going to get some more tomorrow.” Nestled in amongst dirty underwear and the Hallenstiens vomit decorating the sparse white rooms floors, were a bunch of lovely, speckled bananas.
To give my eyes a rest, I lean forward and passionately kiss him. We tumble into his white sheets with a rustic pattern of coffee rings and unknowable rainbow stains – “Yeah, I haven’t been home to wash my sheets for a few months.”
Later that night as I try to sneak out as he sleeps, I feel a mushing under my toes. My audible gagging wakes him and he gently wraps his arms around me and says it's okay, pulling me back onto the mattress. Springs and chips massaging my back as he falls asleep on top of me.
When he went for a shower that morning, I looked at the mushed banana on the floor. Its family tied sadly to their lost friend. Quietly I picked up the bananas and placed them on the dresser, put the dirty clothes in the empty nearby hamper and made the bed. Before sneaking out onto a sleepy Cuba street.