Sexcapades - they see me rolling

Last week in town was a movie. Bodies bumping and grinding, sweat flicking from people's brows into my mouth. Filthy. At 4am I managed to find a girl to go home with, I begged to stay with her because I was sharing a room with my brother who had come down from Palmy. This wasn’t my finest moment. She was fun and flirty, we made out a bit in the Uber and muttered some unrecognisable words before we arrived at her flat.  

 We fucked a couple times, it was mean. She pulled out this impressive trick that she said she learnt from being a gymnast, nothing really stacks up to that now. After putting me in my place she kissed me on my forehead and we nodded off to sleep.  

The next morning I woke up dusty as can be, ready to embark on my walk of shame when I noticed something against my leg. She was still fast asleep but I could feel a wet sensation sticking her bedsheets to my leg hair. Lass had pissed the bed, and it had gotten all over me. Rancid right? I thought this was the extent of the damage but to my surprise she was cuddled up with a pile of steamy vomit. This shit was violently chunky and must have weighed a few kg. 

I thought it would be noble to wake her up so she didn’t have to lie in her own bodily fluids so I gave her a light tap on the shoulder, nothing. My light tap turned into a little shove, again, nothing. At this point I was getting concerned so I gave her a decent push, when to my horror she rolled directly into her own vomit.  

She quickly came to life, threw up again when she realised she was covered in vomit and piss. I sprang up and bolted it out the door.

I came home to my brother and told him it was just another hookup.