Sexcapades: The Spleen Fiend
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I was on exchange in America, using Grindr for the first time. I was really nervous, but agreed to meet up with a guy that night. We couldn’t go to a bar (fucking drinking age, am I right) so we met at his place for some drinks and things...progressed from there. At first, it was awesome. He was kissing my neck, whispering dirty things in my ear. His lips made it way down to my stomach, my cock hardening in response.
I waited, shirtless, for him to keep progressing down to my dick. But, instead, he lingered around my stomach. He just kept kissing it.
Then, it got weird quickly. He told me that he wanted to “fuck my ass until my organs came out” and really kept going, in graphic detail, about my intestines coming out. At this point he also had slipped a finger in my ass, so I was pretty distracted, but I’m sure he said the words “your dirty little kidney” and was moaning something about my spleen. Yeah. I KNOW.
Now, I’ve watched a lot of true crime documentaries in my time. And honestly, at that moment, I felt like a dumb bitch at the start of a horror movie about to get murdered. Like I wasn’t a main character, oh no. I was a slutty side character. A bit terrified, I mumbled something about hearing my cellphone ringing (it obviously wasn’t), got up and grabbed it and proceeded to have a fake conversation with it. Not my best acting work, but in the moment it was the best I could do.
The guy was just looking on, watching me suspiciously. Yeah, like I was the weirdo.
“Oh no, it’s my mate. They’ve drunk too much and need help” I mumbled lamely. I was still doing my pants up when I was halfway out the door. Basically, I got the fuck out of there. Kidneys intact and everything (can’t say the same about my liver). I deleted my Grindr the account the next day, and just proceeded to spend the summer hooking up with people in my university hall. You know, the good ol’ fashioned way.