Sexcapades - Top Dog
As a gay man, it is always known that there is some "risk" involved when someone wants to ride the pogo stick. This experience haunts me, serves me right for being a pretentious slut. I was browsing for eligible bachelors on about four different dating apps, looking for someone to have some cheeky fun with. Swipe, swipe, swipe - bingo! My eyes locked on the perfect man.
After hitting it off through text, we decided to meet and go out for a drink in Wellington’s Courtenay Place. We got to Chow and the sexual tension was instant, I think it was after he staunchly dapped the bouncer up that I was already turned on. He was one of those rare specimens that looked better in person - what a snack!
From here, you know the story. We dabbled over each other's life stories, got overly drunk and started whispering in each other's ears. The conversation ended abruptly when he invited me back to his, I politely obliged and we were on our way. We kicked on a little at his Kelburn flat, but things started to heat up. Of course he was hung like a horse, this man's cock was sculpted to perfection, in awe I did what any sex-starved individual would do, and got to work. After him sliding it in, with me sitting on top, we started moving like a well oiled machine. It was amazing, potentially the best sex I have ever had. That was when the dreaded smell invaded my nostrils. My eyes started watering as the smell of regret, the smell of the butt truffles stunk out his bedroom. It was horrid. I instantly went silent and stopped. Embarrassingly, I had to get off, clenching my butthole while gritting my teeth as hard as I could, hoping that there was nothing, but expecting the worst. And let me tell you, It was the worst. I’m not sure what Chow fed us, I do recall some dodgy chicken skewers, but what was left on this man's bed could be described as soft serve. He gagged, sprinted to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Now this wasn’t convenient as I was covered in shit. For the next 115 minutes I could hear him throwing up as I kneeled in my own poop - how delightful! Luckily for me, he wasn't that mad, just disgusted. When I was leaving he said a few words that made the situation all the bit better, it still sticks with me to this very day. "No hard feelings, It comes with the territory of being gay."
What did I learn from this? Don’t go to Chow.