Sexcapades: Humping with hapū
Te Mahi Mahimahi: He ai tūhono me te hapū
I ngā hararei o tērā tau, i honoreka nei au ki tēnei tama pūrotu nō tōku tāone tonu. Ehara i te mea he aha; he paku whakamīreirei, he paku whakariterite mau kākāhu noa i ētahi wā. Engari, ko tew ā whakamutunga i noho tahi ai māua, i te whakaaro kia puta māua ki te kai, ki te whakapūmau i tā māua hononga, ā, kia hokona mai hoki he pūkoro ure mō muri atu.
Me kī, koinei rā te whakaaro, kia rongo rā anō te tama nei ki te ingoa me te iwi o tōku Māmā.
I te tuatahi, i whakaaro au kāore he paku aha, he kiritea ake nei tēnei tama, nā reira, ka pai noa iho, nē rā? E hika mā, kāore i kiritea rawa mai, nā tana kī mai ki a au, “I pātai au ki taku Māmā… nō te hapū kotahi tāua.”
Aīiii!
Ka tae au ki te kāinga, ā, kei te mōkā au, me taku kore i hiahia titiro ki taku Māmā. Heoi, kei te tuku pātuhi TONU mai ia ki a au, me te pātai hei āhea māua ka kite anō i a māua. Kātahi anō koe ka mōhio he uri tāua!
I koa rawa atu au i taku hokinga ki taku kāinga i te Whare Wānanga ā wiki o muri nei, ā, ka taea te huri tuarā atu ki a ia āno kāore māua i tūhono. I rongo au kua whai wahine kē atu (ko te tūmanako kāore tana whaiaipo e tino tata ana ki a ia).
Mōku ake, ka whai au i te ure nohoao ā muri ake nei.
During the break last year, I had a situationship with this cute boy from my hometown. Nothing too special, just a few makeout sessions every now and then and some grinding with our clothes on. But the last time we hung out, I was thinking about asking him out on a proper date and buying a pack of condoms for after.
At least, that was the plan, until this guy finds out my mum's maiden name and iwi.
At first, I thought it’s not a big deal, cause this guy's white as shit and I should be in the clear, right? Well apparently not white enough, because he hits me with the "Just asked my mum... same hapu as yours."
WTF
I get home and I’m gagging while avoiding eye contact with my mum. But he’s STILL texting me asking when we're gonna hang out next. You just found out we’re cousins!
Thank fuck I was heading back to my uni flat in like a week and could ghost that man like it never even happened. Last I heard he was in a new (and hopefully non-incestuous) relationship.
As for me, I'm sticking strictly to international dick from now on.