“Please sir, can I have some drugs?”
CW: This article discusses drug use
Whether you’re in a new town, city or country, or perhaps just awkward and friendless, sussing drugs can be a fucking hassle. Let’s be real, the possibility of snitches, though rare, creates anxiety around the whole activity for both dealer and buyers. Meeting people is already hard enough, scoring a joint even harder. Massive spoke to students about their weird, funny, awkward or dodgy encounters with dealers. From meeting in the woods, to Tinder hook-ups and girlfriend collateral, boy did we get some stories. They all lived to tell their tales, and more importantly, get blazed.
For many, the internet can be a godsend. One student, Ruth*, met her dealer through Snapchat. “I asked around friends, and that’s just where everyone seemed to get it from.” She admits that the whole operation seemed “very professional, like once I added them, they sent me this beautifully-designed menu of various options in the chat. You could see the different strains, the pricing, fuck it was gorgeous.” Having decided on a type and amount, Ruth messaged the dealer. “My heart was pounding. It turns out, I made a faux-pas by saving the info on the chat, so they immediately sent an angry message. I immediately un-saved it, but I felt like I fucked up the first impression a bit.” If this was The Bachelor, Ruth would be going home in a limousine and a tacky ballgown around now. Thankfully, this is the real world where dealers still want your money, so the relationship was able to be repaired. “They sent a screenshot of a map and a time, which was 11:30pm that night. Oh, and the location was in the middle of the fucking woods.” Scared shitless, but still wanting to get fucked up, Ruth persevered. God bless our youth. She says, “I took a friend, and we headed for the woods. It was freezing cold, and we got lost several times. Finally, we found our rough bearings, and waited for the dealer to show up.” A couple of guys were standing there, who Ruth approached, but it turns out they were also customers, so the awkward waiting continued. Until, finally “a guy just shows up out of nowhere. The transaction happened so quickly, we gave him the money, he gave us the weed, and then we walked away.” Overall, Ruth doesn’t regret her experience, but stopped using the guy as, in her words, “I don’t want to get fucking murdered in the woods”.
Stacy* used Tinder for her drug hook-ups, saying, “Since it’s a dating app, there’s more of a chance I can suss for free, okay? Rent is expensive, don’t judge me.” From using the app, she’s scored everything from MDMA to heroine, and says the experience is “mostly positive”. “Of course, there’s always some jerks that just string you along. I turned up to this dude’s flat once, and sat and watched ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’ with him. I didn’t want to be rude, but after about an hour of watching Emma Watson’s bad acting, I had to be straight up and ask him where the acid was. Turns out he didn’t have any. I left almost immediately.” Experiences like this, thankfully without Emma Watson, have happened a couple of times for Stacy, but doesn’t deter her from her ongoing journey. “Occasionally I meet a good dealer, and it works out for a bit, but after a while, even if I pay them, they still get a bit frisky, and I move on to the next.” She says weed is the easiest to find via online dating, but the “harder stuff requires more serious swiping. You basically have to swipe on anyone, and a lot of people think I’m joking with my bio. I’m not. If I say I’m looking to find heroine, that’s what I’m looking for, not some sex on a fold-out futon.”
Going overseas, whether on exchange or just trying to #findyourself, brings a whole new set of challenges. Mike* describes how he went to Germany at the tender age of 16, along with some mates. In a hostel, they encountered some folks playing pool. “They seemed like pretty cool dudes,” Mike admits, blushing. “Then the conversation turned to marijuana and they said, ‘we can get you some marijuana’.” They were told the price was 50 euros, which Mike admits seemed “pretty fucking steep, but we [had] no idea how much weed cost. It was our first time buying so we were like ‘alright, where is it?’.” The weed was, apparently, down in a car, and the group was told to hand over the money, and wait for the dealer to return. “I was like, no, no, no, you give us the weed and I’ll bring you the money. My 16-year-old self was feeling pretty bold considering [I was] speaking in a language I didn't really understand,” Mike says. However, the situation soon took a turn for the worse. “The dealers started yelling at me in German that I didn’t understand, so out of sheer fear and not knowing what else to do, I handed over the money.” So did Mike ever get his promised bud? Sadly no, he admits. “The story played out exactly how I’d expected; they never returned. Five minutes passed, still no drug dealer. 20 minutes passed, still no drug dealer. An hour went by, and they still weren’t there.” At this point in the interview, Mike was near tears, so I left him to deal with his loss of 50 euros (around $84 NZD) alone, privately.
Cody* recalls a trip to France with his girlfriend at the time and a best mate. They randomly approached a group of skaters, rationalising that “they’re normally safe and pretty friendly”, which consisted of two guys and one girl. Cody describes using his girlfriend as “collateral” in the deal. “They said ‘we can sort you out, of course, but we have to drive somewhere’, and we looked around and well, there’s six of us. So, no one said anything but it kind of became an unwritten agreement that the two girls would stay and the four boys would go to this sketchy block to pick up the weed.” Luckily, the trade went off without a hitch, the group picked up the hash and returned to “exchange the girls”. Cody admits that, looking back, “it feels a bit silly” but says it felt safe at the time, and his girlfriend was fine with the whole thing. If my boyfriend left me in foreign city as collateral for a weed deal, I’d be pissed. Well, first I’d be happy that in this hypothetical situation I’d actually have a boyfriend (it’s been a while), and then I’d be pissed. But, to each their own.
So, the next time you buy a gram from “a friend of a friend”, spare a thought for the poor sods who are out there, desperately looking. They’re amongst us, even now. May they find the solace of a steady, decent dealer. Amen.
*Names have been changed, mostly out of embarrassment but for legal reasons too, lol
If the content of this article affected you in any way, don’t be afraid to reach out to these support numbers:
Alcohol/Drug Helpline: 0800 787 797
Healthline: 0800 611 116
Lifeline: 0800 543 345 or (09) 522 2999