Lockdown’s Greatest Villain for Many: Food

Trigger warning: Eating disorders and body image issues are discussed heavily throughout this text. Please proceed with caution.

Maintaining a good relationship with food can be tricky for many of us. With the toxic ideals of diet culture and health fads constantly targeting us on the daily, it’s hard not to see food as the enemy. Throwing lockdown into the mix? Those with eating disorders, or a disordered relationship with food, are seen to suffer even more than usual. Massive talked to young adults Billy, Carrie, and Daisy about their experiences during both rounds of lockdown, and how being stuck at home under government orders has affected their eating habits and relationships with food. 

In the first round of lockdown in 2020, Billy said he was “43kgs heavier”. He noted having “terrible body image”, as well as “discomfort I felt in my movements and my ability to carry out daily tasks”. A combination of all of this led to Billy spiraling into a relapse of bulimia nervosa, with the ‘lack of communication and ability to socialise with friends’ causing him to be constantly alone with his thoughts. 

Over the summer, Billy’s bulimia began to turn into anorexia. Unfortunately, Billy was due to start counselling the day that lockdown began. His biggest challenge this time round is “accepting that eating two to three meals a day isn’t going to break my caloric limit”, as well as learning “not to rely on alcohol as a method for diverting my thoughts and delaying hunger”. 

For Carrie, who has had pre-existing issues with bulimia and anorexia, said that in the first lockdown, being with her partner hugely affected her eating habits. “We would walk down to the dairy and get junk food and snacks for movie days… I felt a bit guilty eating so much crap food, but because we did it together it didn’t seem so bad, I guess?” 

However, this time around for the 2021 lockdown, Carrie and her partner split a week beforehand. She’s focused on not buying junk food and staying active, which she says “may look good to some people, but I know I’m doing too much for what I’m supposed to be with my weight and condition”. The reason for this is because “now that I’m single again, I’m so scared of putting on weight again like last lockdown”. 

Our other interviewee Daisy struggles with ARFID, which is ‘avoidant restrictive food intake disorder’, a texture/sensory based illness. Being in isolation during 2021 has proven extremely difficult, with over buyers meaning Daisy hasn’t been able to access her “safe foods”. She has dropped two meals per day, because “I struggle so much to find food that is safe for me”. When trying to explain her disorder, she says “a lot of people call it ‘child eating’ because a lot of us who suffer will only eat safe foods from childhood”. 

Even though this experience is extremely distressing, Daisy recalls last lockdown being even harder as she was with her partner’s family, who “didn’t understand how I was with eating… I was constantly being offered food I didn’t like, or being forced to sit at the table and eat things that made me uncomfortable.” It made Daisy so uncomfortable, she “ended up replacing most meals with drugs”. 

When asking what factors of lockdown contribute the most to their relationship with food, Billy’s answers were definitely what I was expecting. “Being stuck in ongoing social situations, stuck with my parents, not as much opportunity to get out and about, and less distraction.” 

 Carrie’s change in routine is said to have a huge influence on her eating, as she’s usually “busy working and on my feet all day, I don’t usually eat a lot… I’m really un-stimulated and bored.” She also said the anxiety and stress from her breakup, plus her immediate family’s impending move to the South Island, is “bringing back the crappy relationship with food”. 

Daisy’s relationship with food is hugely affected by the lack of social aspects around eating in lockdown, as being able to make “an event out of lunch time or dinner can help me eat… the connectivity and environment of being at a cafe for lunch completely takes my mind off my sensory issues with food.” 

Both Carrie and Daisy have surrounded themselves with amazing coping methods and support systems to help get them through these tough times. Carrie, now in lockdown with her family, says that they are “always making sure I’m okay… my dad gave me a cuddle and said they’ll always be here for me. My brother is also super supportive, he’s like my best friend.” People not in Carrie’s immediate bubble have also been extremely helpful in her recovery such as her friend who has “been calling me on Zoom and snapchatting me lots over lockdown… her and my brother know a bit about my relationship with food, so they’ve been checking in often which is comforting.” 

 Daisy says her journey to recovery was incredibly hard, as she was not only trying to repair her relationship with food, but was also trying to get sober from a drug addiction. “I pretty much cut off all my druggie friends and tried to use lockdown as a self-rehab, it was hard as fuck.” One of her go-to coping methods was gratitude journaling, describing how amazing it was realising how “just talking about your feelings and expressing them can make you come to a realisation that you’re not in this alone”. Another coping method for Daisy was getting back into baking and using organic vegetables in her food, as learning about how food is the ‘original medicine’ changed how she felt about it. “My mindset now is food is fuel, my body needs it, and the best thing I can do for myself and my mental health is at least try and keep my belly full and blood sugars up.” 

 However, on a contrasting note, Billy’s reality is definitely one I think many of us could relate to. He comes from a very conservative family, whose “approach on mental health is that depression or anxiety or eating disorders are made up”. Being stuck in lockdown with his family means he is separated from his friends. “My friends, particularly my flatmate and best friend, are the ones who help me cope the most. Being separated from them is hard.” It’s easy enough to tell people to reach out for help when they need, but sometimes we just need that face-to-face interaction to really make the difference we’re craving for. 

 In the pandemic era of social media, we’re constantly surrounded by messages of toxic positivity, the pressure to be productive, and damaging weight-gain lockdown jokes that makes it seem like gaining weight is the worst thing to happen during a pandemic. It’s no surprise that people like my interviewees, struggling with eating disorders and a disordered relationship to food, are deeply impacted by these messages. With nowhere to go except our homes, it’s forcing us to think about them even more than usual.  

However, I am truly inspired by all three of my interviewees. Their strength and courage to share their stories is remarkable, not to mention how well they are doing in their recovery journeys during such challenging times. There’s so much pressure to be productive and active in this pandemic, which can push a lot of people to breaking point when they’re already struggling just to eat one meal a day. To see people like my interviewees make it onto the path of recovery at a time like this is absolutely amazing. I hope bringing their stories to light helps people going through similar struggles to realise that they are not alone, that their weight gain should not be seen in a negative light during a collectively traumatic time for the world, that they deserve to eat and fuel their body ALL THE TIME, especially during these uncertain days of our lives. 

If you or a loved one are struggling, please contact the numbers below: 

Eating Disorders Association of New Zealand (EDANZ): 0800 2 EDANZ / 0800 2 33269 

Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP). 

Mental Health Foundation - Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor