Let’s Talk About Sex and Antidepressants
When I was in my second year, I went on antidepressants. A month later, I had penetrative sex for the first time. The trouble was, as much as my mind felt I was ready, my body just, well, wasn’t. Long story short, I ended up using an embarrassing amount of lube, and what should have been a sexy night turned into a comical slip’n slide. I can never look at a waterpark the same way.
SRRI medication, a common form of antidepressants, can reduce interest in sex, as well as having an impact on arousal, sustaining arousal, and achieving orgasm. That’s not to say they’re not a drug worth trying. Antidepressants really helped me. In all honesty, they probably saved my life. But there’s no denying the effect they had on my sex drive.
University is an infamous time for sexual exploration and discovery, but for many students, choosing to go on antidepressants can leave them with a low libido. Prioritising your mental health over your sexual health involves sacrifice, yet it’s something that’s vastly unacknowledged in youth culture. Obviously, everyone is different, and talk to your doctor before making any decisions to go on or off medication, but if this is something you’re struggling with, you’re not alone.
Bella was on antidepressants for 12 years, since childhood, on “varying doses”. She admits, “I had no sex drive from puberty till I was 20 basically,” which is the age she went off her medication. Whilst she still had sex as a teenager, she says it was more for curiosity rather than pleasure, and didn’t start enjoying sex until withdrawing from antidepressants. “I only had sex a few times at parties in Year 13 with drunk boys who didn’t know how to have sex anyways,” she laughs.
Going off antidepressants, she describes experiencing “a bit of a recovery period before I suddenly got horny for the first time in my life”. Sex wasn’t a factor in her choice to go off her meds, as Bella describes herself as “so asexual” at the time that she didn’t even think about it as a reason. Looking back at it all? Bella concludes, “Sex is very good, should have gone off antidepressants wayyy earlier.” Obviously, this is just one person’s opinion, always talk to your doctor, but it’s nice to know that things can get better.
Lucy was on antidepressants for two years over her time at university. “I don’t regret going on them, but I definitely felt uneducated about some of the side effects,” she says. During that time, she says what she struggled with most was not so much her lack of sexual desire, but rather feeling isolated from her peers at such a sexual time in their lives. “I can handle not having much sex, or even wanting to. But the culture of university made me feel like such an outcast. Hanging out with friends, you swap stories of bad Tinder dates or juicy hookups, but all I could talk about was what I had been binge-watching on Netflix that week. I felt dull and boring, which made me socially isolate myself even more.”
Lucy confesses that she tried to “put herself out there” and experience sex, even when her mind and body didn’t really want to. “I wanted to have those stories, have those experiences to share. The idea of it was [what] made me have sex, rather than the reality of it all. Because the reality was just a few dry thrusts with some strangers I didn’t feel connected to. I didn’t get pleasure from that, I only got pleasure from the validation I felt from presenting as ‘normal’.” Even now off her meds, Lucy claims that her sex-drive has never made a “full recovery”, and it’s just something she’s learnt to live with.
Sam* went on SSRIs in his third year, and also struggled with the “pressuring” culture of sex in comparison to his actual sexual desires. “Already, as a guy, acknowledging you have mental health problems and seeking help for them is hard enough. That took me years to come to terms with.” To add a low sex drive into the equation was even harder, Sam says. “Sex is another pillar of this fucked-up idea of masculinity. To suddenly lose interest in it, was terrible. I felt disconnected from my friends, like I couldn’t be a lad anymore.”
Sam admits that, in order to cope, he would often force himself to drink more at parties. “I thought if I just got black-out, some aspect of wanting to have sex would come back to me. It was a bad idea, because in reality I just added whiskey dick onto existing problems with ejaculation.” After nights such as these, he would avoid his sexual partners, out of a mix of shame and awkwardness. “I felt like they were going to spread rumours about me or something. When really, they probably weren’t, but the idea panicked me.” It’s something Sam still struggles with, although he’s gradually trying to open up to his mates more and is thinking about lowering his dose in the future.
Rimu says that taking SSRIs “really screwed up my libido”. For the first couple of months, they described themself as “lethargic” when it came to sex, or even masturbation. “This affected my relationship with my partner because my body would still react the same during sex, but I didn’t feel very much. That sucked, I felt not in control of my sexuality... When I orgasmed, it felt like my mind was separate to my body.”
Rimu is now on their second year of antidepressants, and has just gotten an IUD, which they say is further affecting their libido. “Now, I’m either absolutely horny or depressed and don’t connect during sex.” They admit that the experience is “not the best. Would go for any other option if there was one.”
Ultimately, sex is complicated enough as it is, even without antidepressants fucking with the experience. If you’re struggling with either, talk to your friends, your doctors, your sexual partners. Whether you’re having sex, not having it, cumming or not cumming, who really gives a fuck. Be kind to yourself. Your sexual health is important, but never feel ashamed for choosing to focus on your mental health. It’s important to know the side effects of any medication, but that doesn’t diminish the great work that that medication does. And, if you ever need a good way to spend a Friday night, I have some great Netflix recommendations.
*Names have been changed